Don’t Be Ridiculous

don't be ridiculous

Have you noticed the longer one lives, the more ridiculousness one experiences? And by one I mean me. Naturally, you wouldn’t know how much ridiculousness I personally encounter because you don’t know me. Unless you’re a friend of mine, that is. In that case you most definitely know the degree of ridiculousness I come across because, let’s face it, I make sure you do.

If we’ve never met, then trust me on this one. Ridiculousness is all around us. If you haven’t noticed, you’re either too young to know better or you’re going through life witheyes wide shut

That’s an actual saying. You can look it up.

Another nifty saying, Live and Learn, actually turns out to be true. I know I’m full of sayings today but what can I say? Other than let me tell you the latest ridiculous thing I’ve lived and learned…

PUMPING GAS

static electricity

You know how at gas stations it’s posted not to get back into your car once you exit it to pump ridiculously expensive petroleum into your vehicle? And how it says if you do re-enter your car, you, your car, any neighboring cars and perhaps the entire gas station will blow to smithereens because of static electricity?explosion

Well, maybe it doesn’t say that exact thing. But the warning implies if you dare get back into your Mini Cooper you will probably spontaneously combust. Now I ask you, have any of you ever seen such a thing? I’ve been pumping gas since I was 16. In those 44 years, I have yet to catch even the slightest glimpse of someone ablaze. Could it be I’m choosing the wrong gas stations?

Anyway, you may as well know I don’t always obey rules. Yes, I’m a bad girl; I often re-enter my car at the pumps. Hey, I like to push the envelope (another saying) and live dangerously…I also sometimes don’t buckle my seat belt until I’m at the end of my block. So yeah, I know real danger.bad ass

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not an advocate of shunning seat belts, so don’t do as I do. All I’m saying is sometimes you don’t die when you break the rules. Therefore, I’m here to tell you the DON’T RE-ENTER YOUR CAR rule is a bunch of hooey

snopesSnopes reported that by 2011, only 150 refueling fires had been documented. REALLY? Americans pump gas over 16 BILLION times a year. So of the gazillions of times gas has been pumped from California to Maine, 150 resulted in fires. I like those odds. That’s exactly why I don’t stand outside my car pumping gas in the rain. Or if it’s really hot out. Or cold.

Sometimes I get back in my car because I’m tired from a long day of doing absolutely nothing. Doing nothing exhausts me. Or perhaps I ripped the seat of my pants and don’t want people to see my underwear, especially if I’m wearing my old faded Hanes Hipsters and not my pretty undies from Soma Intimates. I’m just saying…soma

Who knows? Maybe I get back in the car to make an important phone call. And before you say, SHE SHOULDN’T USE HER CELL PHONE AT A GAS STATION, just let me (and Snopes) say this:turn off cell phone

Don’t be ridiculous. Rest assured you, nor anyone else, will spontaneously combust sitting in a car, talking on the phone while pumping gas at Chevron. So go on. Get back in, sit down and relax. Take a load off (yet another saying). Feel free to break the rules.

I promise you’ll live to brag about it.break the rules

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