When one has 5 cats, 4 dogs and an array of rotating foster kittens, one can expect constant activity, except maybe in the wee hours of the night. And sometimes not even then when one particular dog snores like an inebriated sailor cursed with sleep apnea.
Now don’t get me wrong. Skip’s snoring is actually kind of endearing. But how such a small mutt creates so much noise is baffling. Being an insomniac with 2 functioning ears, I can attest he is loud.
That’s when I started thinking of how one of these days it might be nice to sleep 8 hours instead of my usual 5. And I thought, what would life be like without my animals? Well, the dam burst and within mere minutes these 17 thoughts poured out of me.
One of these days…
My legs will actually have a place on the ottoman without a couple pets determining which tiny corner I’m allowed.
I will stretch out in bed without being growled at when I accidentally on purpose nudge someone off said bed.
Wherever I’m sitting, no cat or dog will occupy my lap.
While in my favorite chair, I’ll put my head back without it bumping into a cat snoozing on top of the cushion, its tail wrapped around my neck like a winter scarf.
The mailman will approach my porch and not be greeted with a chorus of barking dogs.
I won’t have to get up at 3:30 a.m. and again at 5:30 to let out an old dog who can’t hold it through the night anymore. But then again neither can I.
I won’t have to keep letting someone outside, then inside, then outside, then inside because that someone is afraid to use the dog door.
One of these days I’ll be able to eat without an audience at my feet.
I’ll take a walk without being pulled down the street by a certain canine who erroneously thinks he’s a part of a mushing team.
Speaking of walking, one day I’ll do so without having to stop at every bush and wait while someone sniffs it or pees on it.
No longer will clumps of fur, like tiny tumbleweeds, rest in nearly every corner of the house, thereby exposing my lack of housekeeping skills.
One of these days I will no longer find a strand of white, black, brown, gray or orange fur in my cereal, not to mention on my pillow, in my bed and on just about every article of clothing I own.
I’ll answer my doorbell like a normal human instead of going through my garage to greet visitors, all to save them from being accosted by joyful whipping tails and sloppy kisses at my front door.
My pillow will feel so much larger because I’ll no longer have to share it with a feline or canine. And sometimes both.
When I lie in bed, no kitty will be planted on my chest. I’ll finally sleep without feeling as though I’m on the verge of a heart attack.
When the drip system turns on in my backyard, I won’t see water squirting from a connector that someone happened to dislodge while digging, just for the fun of it, in the garden.
In the middle of the night in total darkness, I will no longer trip over a furry body blocking my way to the bathroom.
But here’s the thing:
Just as quickly as all those thoughts came to me, only one remains: I simply can’t imagine my life without pets. Tiring? Yes. Challenging? Sure. Messy? Definitely. But as it turns out, that’s just how I like it. So here’s hoping one of these days never comes.
My furry family…