There’s something to be said about crossing over from being a ‘miss’ to becoming a ‘ma’am’. As it turns out, that little ditty happened to me many moons ago and let me tell ya, it was a shocker when I heard it.

It happened in a grocery store when the clerk asked me,”ma’am, would you prefer paper or plastic bags?” I was around 40 years old and totally speechless for a moment, realizing he was talking to ME. I quickly regrouped from the shock and said, “Paper please,” and drove home in a daze.

Getting long in the tooth, as they used to say, happens to the best of us and thank goodness it does. I mean, I’m in no hurry for the alternative. Now don’t get me wrong; it’s not all bad getting old. As it turns out, there are a few nice perks to aging, hard as that seems.

Perk #1: People want to help me more than when I was wrinkle-free. For instance, if I have a large load of groceries, I’m sometimes asked if I need help to my car. I ask you, do I look helpless? Don’t answer that. I’m just saying I’d prefer they ask me if I WANT help. There’s a difference, ya know, but only us ancient people recognize that.

While on the subject of helping (since I’m short and apparently feeble), men in stores will sometimes ask me if I need help reaching something. For instance, recently at Target I was on my tip toes about to grab a bottle of bleach when a man offered assistance. To be polite, even though I could reach it, I smiled and replied, “Oh, thank you. That’s very kind of you.” Hey, it made him feel good to help out this short, helpless broad and I got my bleach. Sweet deal, if you ask me.

Perk #2: When you hit 65, you get to join Medicare. We get deals on most things medical, which doesn’t entirely suck. For instance, I just saw a physical therapist for my bum shoulder and owed no co-pay. Plus, my premiums are much lower than when I was young, still working, and as flexible and limber as Gumby, so I rarely needed a physical therapist. Not a bad perk.

Perk #3: There’s AARP, formally known as the American Association of Retired Persons (actually just words for ‘past our prime’). They give us ancient people all kinds of discounts on things from restaurants, car rentals, travel, insurance, etc. I like doing their crossword puzzles, mostly because I can finish them. I’m lying; I often leave a few squares open.

Perk #4: Sharon, Denise, Pam and I took the SMART train last week when celebrating Pam’s 68th birthday. And because we’re all getting old as the hills, we rode for free. Nice, huh?

The train took us to the Larkspur ferry where we received a senior discount on our way to San Francisco.

We walked to Union Square, where we had a delicious lunch at the Rotunda on the top floor of Neiman Marcus. Pam got a free scoop of ice cream while being serenaded with Happy Birthday singers. But I suppose that doesn’t count as a senior perk since most birthday celebrators get a free dessert, don’t they? Well, let’s just forget about the ice cream reference then, okay?

Perk #5: We get to collect Social Security and also a pension from the many years we slaved in the workforce. Pretty nifty. And for the record, nifty is a word only an older person would use. So, all things considered, being an oldie but goodie isn’t half bad, especially when you have old friends with you along the journey.