Call Me Sentimental

Where I live, our new normal seems to include fires that ravage hundreds if not thousands of acres and in the process destroy homes, businesses and many lives. Now don’t get me wrong; I realize this is no way to begin a humor blog but sometimes reality is brutal. We’re now accustomed to planned blackouts during high winds so downed power lines won’t start fires.

My good friends Sharon and Jim recently moved into their beautiful home in the hills of Santa Rosa but had to evacuate last month as fire quickly engulfed the rolling hills leading to their home. They only had time to grab some clothes, important documents and their laptops before fleeing from the approaching flames. (Thankfully, their home was saved.)

This got me thinking of what I’d take if I needed to get out of Dodge, so to speak. That’s a toughie. Naturally, my first grab and go would be my pets. The grabbing part, however, would be a bit difficult with my particular cats. I have 5 of them and just realized I’m short on carriers. Note to self: get more carriers.

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The Art of Shopping

Now Don't Get Me Wrong

The following column was written in 2008 as MJ (Married Janet)

When I was a kid, I prided myself on being able to bargain for anything. I traded baseball cards with the neighborhood boys, exchanged ugly marbles for prettier ones and swapped old toys for new. I reveled in the challenge of finding and acquiring the best deal.

Some things never change. Here I am, over 40 years later, and I still love finding a  bargain. In fact, I will often refuse to buy something I want because it’s not on sale. I ask you, what greater thrill is there than getting a $50 sweater for $14.99? (Unless it’s trading two rookies for a Willie Mays….)

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Kicking the Bucket

Getting closer to coming off my writing sabbatical. Until then, here’s a post I hope you’ll enjoy from January, 2013…

Now Don't Get Me Wrong

Brace yourself, for I have some bad news. Ready?…. I’m going to die.

There, I said it. Like removing a band-aid, I think it’s best to do it quickly. Just get it over with. That’s not to imply I’m intending to kill myself. No, I’m too selfish for that. Besides, I still have a Southwest Rewards flight I’ve yet to use.

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Only in Texas

I’ve visited 20 states so far in my 61 years. Eventually, I hope to see most of them. Well, all except for Michigan and Wisconsin. I’ve crossed them off my list for certain recent events. But never mind that now. Let bygones be bygones, right? Besides, moving to Canada is out of the question; I’m not fond of cold weather and I don’t understand ice hockey. But let’s continue, shall we?

frozen-car

No thank you

My point is, little did I know I’d visit a particular state WAY more than I ever imagined. That would be Texas, y’all. Now don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against the place, exactly. It’s actually an interesting, often beautiful and entertaining state. But there’s only one reason I’ve gone there so often — one of my besties, Sharon, lives there.

sharon-at-beach

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Now Don’t Get Me Wrong

Those of you who returned to read why I’m so exhausted will have to wait another week because I had the bright idea to get some rest by going on vacation with some besties. This may, however, have been poorly thought out because I’m writing this at 2:30 in the morning and need to be up by 7:00. Best laid plans and all that…so until next week, enjoy this encore post.

Now Don't Get Me Wrong

I realize today’s post will probably offend those of the male persuasion, but on behalf of women everywhere (or at least those who read this column and happen to agree with me), I feel it’s time to break the silence.

My intent today is not to insult men, but rather to enlighten them to Proper Behavioral Manners, henceforth known as PBMs. The perplexing male behavior I’m referring to is, specifically: (a) nose picking, (b) spitting, and (c) the ever popular crotch grabbing.

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