There’s a snake loose in my home. I know this because my chatty cat, Oliver, informed me. I heard him calling me from clear across the house. So naturally, I went to see what all the chatter was about.
Actually, Oliver brought me two snakes, but luckily I managed to grab one and rush it across the street to “Rodent Knoll.” That’s the area where I generally release the gifts my cat so graciously brings me. Math is not my strong suit but I believe that means one snake is still slithering aimlessly inside my house. Continue reading →
Last week I clipped my fingernails almost down to the quick, where barely any of the white parts show. Why, you might be wondering, did I do such a thing? I thought you’d never ask. And I have a very good explanation for that. Pain. It has to do with pain. I’ll explain…
Bye bye nails
As you know, I’m dealing with this damn back of mine to the point I’ve not been able to exercise in over 4 months. Boo-hoo. As a consequence, my body now closely resembles the blubber in the movie, Flubber. Except I’m not green.
And as an added bonus, I’ve gained 5 pounds. Yep, I finally broke down and weighed myself with my super-duper-never-wrong-bathroom scale. I wish I could call it a liar but sadly, it’s honest to a flaw.
So it’s been nearly 4 months since I adopted Taffy, a 2 1/2 year old female Chihuahua mix. If you remember, I’ve already blogged about her twice. And although she simply can’t be much cuter, she’s not exactly what I expected from our initial meeting. In other words, don’t let cute fool you.
Now don’t get me wrong. I adore that little pain in the ass who’s only slightly bigger than a gnat. But when all is said and done, Taffy misrepresented herself when we first met. Yes, she’s a sly one, that gal. She caught my eye with her adorableness, but I wasn’t alone. On walks at the shelter, nobody passed by who didn’t comment on that sweet face. Her cuteness is like a magnet pulling you in. And trust me, she uses it to full advantage.
While I fostered Taffy after she had puppies, she was on her best behavior. I mean, she’s no dummy. She saw a sucker coming and thought, here’s my chance to escape the shelter and go home with this lady who I bet has a bunch of animals I can play with. And she was right.
You’ll have to excuse me if I’m slurring my letters. You see, I’m under the influence of weed cream. Therefore, I can’t be held responsible for inappropriate words I’m likely to type. There’s also a chance I might not make sense. But what else is new? Let’s blame it on weed cream.
What, you might ask, is weed cream? Actually, I’m surprised you don’t know. Being one of only 2 other people I’m aware of on the planet who’ve never tried marijuana, I thought pretty much everyone was savvy to the multitude of ways the drug is used. Now don’t get me wrong; I’ve still never smoked the stuff. I’m more interested in the medicinal effects of pot. This is what happens with age.
It’s not that I have anything against pot smokers; I just never had any interest. I did, however, try smoking a cigarette once. It felt like my throat was closing and I’d slowly suffocate to death, whereupon I’d be found days later half-eaten by my dogs. Unlike my cats, they aren’t as particular about what they consume.