Because I tend to procrastinate with things I hate to do, I did exactly that on Monday. What is that, you ask? Well, I turned the big 7-0 last week, so of course I waited until the last possible minute to get my new license photo taken.

So Long Brown Hair. Hello Gray Hair

I stupidly tried to get an appointment online but my computer practically laughed in my face. The earliest I could get in was late August. So I did the next best thing — I signed up online to reserve a place in line. I was G-031 so 11 people were ahead of me. When I became number six in line, I headed to the Novato DMV.

At the facility, there were maybe three spots available in the entire parking lot. I thought, oh crap. Luckily, someone pulled out in front of me but he had trouble backing out, and once out, didn’t appear to be familiar with the accelerator. This led me to believe he’d just left the DMV, and amazingly, was still allowed to drive.

Anyway, outside the facility, there were about a dozen people waiting. This was not a good sign. Inside, every last chair in the place was taken. That’s when I realized a Monday morning isn’t a good time to visit the DMV. (But is there ever a good time?) That would be a NO.

I headed outside to sit on the ground where I could lean against the building to wait for my number to be called. It was quite entertaining out there. One young lady, who seemed to have recently taken an upper, was screaming for a good five minutes at a guy she was with. From what I could glean, the DMV wouldn’t help her without her passport, which she apparently didn’t bring, so naturally it was all his fault. She had a healthy set of lungs, I’ll give her that.

Then, a woman pulled into one of the disabled parking spots in front, but took up two spaces. When she exited her car and noticed her mistake, she got back in, backed out, pulled back in, yet still took up two spaces. She again got out, took a look, shrugged her shoulders and headed inside.

Now don’t get me wrong; I checked the overhead board every now and then to track my progress, but when they were only on G-025, I took a stroll. Thirty minutes later I checked again and was now number 13 in line. How is it possible I went backward seven spots? So I approached a worker to inquire what happened. He pointed to around the corner and said, “You have to check in over there.” News to me. The sign that says CHECK IN HERE is essentially hidden, like in a Where’s Waldo puzzle.

So I get in line where it says Start Here. Next to it, there’s another line for people who were smart enough, or organized enough, to book an actual appointment. Luckily, I was the first nincompoop in line for those who weren’t one of the above. (Oh, I neglected to mention there were exactly THREE employees working at the DMV that day.)

Naturally, the line for appointments was super short, but within 10 minutes, ours had a dozen waiting. Ten more minutes and there were now about 15 people. Finally, after 35 minutes in line, I heard music to my ears…”NEXT!“

I told the guy, “I’m here to check in.” So he looks at his computer and says, “Yeah, there are six people ahead of you.” And that, apparently, was the check in process. I asked, “How long do you think it will take?” “Oh, about 30 minutes,” he replied. Exactly 57 minutes later, G-031 was called.

So I took the eye test, paid my car registration, and had my license photo taken. (Again, so long brown hair.) A mere three hours and 15 minutes later, I left the DMV a wiser gray-haired woman. You can bet the next time the DMV summons me, I’ll be making an appointment.