Author Archives: Janet

The Art of Cursing

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I never swore until I was out of my teens. Pretty shocking, huh? Let’s just say I was a good girl with my verbiage for most of my early years. As a kid, I never had to suck on a bar of soap like my sister did after being busted for swearing. I did, however, thoroughly enjoy watching her do so. Actually, I shocked myself the first time the word shit slipped from my lips. It felt wrong while at the same time strangely satisfying.

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not some potty-mouthed person who is addicted to swearing. Please! I’m a nice Catholic girl who attended Church twice a year (Christmas and Easter) and now only for weddings and funerals. Hey, I never said I was perfect.

Having said that, there’s something satisfying about cursing. When someone cuts me off on the freeway, darn it! just doesn’t cut it, you know? In the privacy of my vehicle, where nobody can hear me, I say what I imagine a truck driver might exclaim under similar circumstances. I’m guessing it’s pretty much a regular occurrence in that occupation.

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It was a Dark and Stormy Morning

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In honor of Halloween, here’s a re-post from 2014.

Casper

Some things are just plain scary. Like ghosts. They might be friendly Caspers but I don’t see how that’s reassuring when you have one in your bedroom watching you sleep. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying I have a ghost watching my fitful slumber. But there could be. How would I know? I’m asleep.

Personally, I’m fascinated by things many find ridiculous. Things like ghosts, UFOs, Ouija boards and Sarah Palin. Actually, I take that back. I don’t find Ms. Palin fascinating, just ridiculous. And a little bit scary. But I digress…

Sarah Palin
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It’s a Man’s World (Let’s Change That)

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Okay, fingers crossed Facebook doesn’t delete this post like they did over a month ago with one I originally posted back in 2012 then again a few years later with no problem. Let’s see how this one fares, shall we?

women equal

If you ask me, which you didn’t, the world can be a scary place these days. But I have a theory as to the problem and how it can be solved. Yes, dear friends, it’s a simple solution and one that is readily available because half the world’s population has it: estrogen.

Yes, you read that correctly; it wasn’t a misprint. I do proof read what I write, you know. (Unless it’s 1 a.m. Sunday morning.) That’s because my blog posts at 7 a.m on Sunday. In that case, you get what you get because my Sleep Number bed calls me, leaving me more inclined to ignore a sentence ending with a preposition.

sleep number 3

Anyway, my theory isn’t going to endear me to male readers. And although I’m sad to see you go, sometimes one has to take a stand, even when it’s not popular. And let me just say I like to be popular. Not that I am. But I like to be.

miss you

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Don’t Be Ridiculous

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don't be ridiculous

Have you noticed the longer one lives, the more ridiculousness one experiences? And by one I mean me. Naturally, you wouldn’t know how much ridiculousness I personally encounter because you don’t know me. Unless you’re a friend of mine, that is. In that case you most definitely know the degree of ridiculousness I come across because, let’s face it, I make sure you do.

If we’ve never met, then trust me on this one. Ridiculousness is all around us. If you haven’t noticed, you’re either too young to know better or you’re going through life witheyes wide shut

That’s an actual saying. You can look it up.

Another nifty saying, Live and Learn, actually turns out to be true. I know I’m full of sayings today but what can I say? Other than let me tell you the latest ridiculous thing I’ve lived and learned… Continue reading →

What I’ll Never Do

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The other day as I drove down the freeway, a car suddenly left the fast lane and cut across 2 other lanes to reach the upcoming exit. A bold and reckless move. I caught myself saying out loud, “Whoa, that was crazy. I would NEVER do that.” (Although I admit I’ve come close.) And thus an idea was born for my blog. So here’s what I’ll never do…

HITCHHIKE

As you learned from my Boogeyman posting, I’m a fan of murder documentaries. So I know what can happen when someone, especially a lone woman, sticks out her thumb while standing alongside a road, asking a complete stranger to take her somewhere. Seriously? Have these people never heard of the Texas Killing Fields? You might as well be saying, “Hey psychopathic ax-murdering rapist-kidnapper, where ya goin’? Can I come along?”

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying all those who pick up hitchhikers are any of the above. But am I willing to take that chance? I think not. Let it be known I’m not a lucky gambler, the sole reason I avoid casinos. It’s one thing to lose a bundle of cash. But by hitchhiking, I’d inevitably be playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded chamber.

BUNGEE JUMP

Speaking of death wishes, I’ve tried a lot of things that could be considered adventurous, maybe even dangerous. Or stupid. I’ve jumped from a plane; went gliding; rafted down a class IV river; biked around Lake Tahoe before I was a biker; kayaked alongside Orca whales off British Columbia; camped on a safari in Africa where a hyena slept against our tent; sat mere feet from a towering bull elephant; took up snowboarding at age 58 (not my brightest move); enjoyed hot air ballooning; tried parasailing, and more. But bungee jump? Nuh-uh. Never wanted to. Never will. That’s just crazy.

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