Category Archives: Humor

The Meaning of Essentially

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I’m not a very sedentary person. Sitting still is not my strong suit. If I’m sitting down I’m usually tapping my foot. In bed, I rock my feet back and forth before going to sleep. I’m normally not aware I’m doing it until one of my cats, usually Skye, pounces and bites through the bedspread, latching on to my toes.

But a couple months ago I found myself more fatigued than usual. I knew something was amiss while playing tennis when my energy level plummeted and I became winded playing doubles. Nobody gets winded in doubles. Plus I was short of breath just walking upstairs.

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Gone Girl

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By now you all know I have another cat, Piper. She’s been proving to be quite the character. Already a foodie, she often pushes herself past the other cats, each waiting at their respective bowls for yours truly to fill them. Sadly, patience is not Piper’s strong suit.

Having yet to figure out which bowl is hers, or that I feed the cats in order of seniority, Piper is last to eat and is none too happy about it. Old man Oliver goes first but she dives her head into his bowl, promptly receiving a swat that says, “Don’t even think about it.”

Piper then moves on to Fat Jack who in no way looks like a cat who wants to share. Dash could care less and lets her eat but I inevitably place her at her own bowl.

Only Mango preferred not to be photographed

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An Unusual Gift

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I received the most unusual and unexpected gift last week from someone I’ve never met. She knows me from the work I do with feral cats and is a friend of a friend. So why did she give me a gift? Be patient, I’m getting there…

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Hold your horses

In this line of work, meaning TNR (Trap-Neuter-Return), I meet some interesting folks. Let’s just say not all of them particularly like cats. Some downright hate ’em. But then not everyone is perfect, right? Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying if you don’t like cats you’re a sociopath. But my guess is you’re probably close.

Anyway, my friend was telling this gift-giving person about my encounters with these as yet undiagnosed sociopaths. They’re the characters who not only make this work interesting, unpredictable, and a little bit scary, but have taught me I should learn self defense. Like yesterday already. I’ve intended to take classes for about 10 years now but have I done it? Intended is the operative word there.

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Take THAT you cat hater

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What I’ll Never Do

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The other day as I drove down the freeway, a car suddenly left the fast lane and cut across 2 other lanes to reach the upcoming exit. A bold and reckless move. I caught myself saying out loud, “Whoa, that was crazy. I would NEVER do that.” (Although I admit I’ve come close.) And thus an idea was born for my blog. So here’s what I’ll never do…

HITCHHIKE

As you learned from my Boogeyman posting, I’m a fan of murder documentaries. So I know what can happen when someone, especially a lone woman, sticks out her thumb while standing alongside a road, asking a complete stranger to take her somewhere. Seriously? Have these people never heard of the Texas Killing Fields? You might as well be saying, “Hey psychopathic ax-murdering rapist-kidnapper, where ya goin’? Can I come along?”

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying all those who pick up hitchhikers are any of the above. But am I willing to take that chance? I think not. Let it be known I’m not a lucky gambler, the sole reason I avoid casinos. It’s one thing to lose a bundle of cash. But by hitchhiking, I’d inevitably be playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded chamber.

BUNGEE JUMP

Speaking of death wishes, I’ve tried a lot of things that could be considered adventurous, maybe even dangerous. Or stupid. I’ve jumped from a plane; went gliding; rafted down a class IV river; biked around Lake Tahoe before I was a biker; kayaked alongside Orca whales off British Columbia; camped on a safari in Africa where a hyena slept against our tent; sat mere feet from a towering bull elephant; took up snowboarding at age 58 (not my brightest move); enjoyed hot air ballooning; tried parasailing, and more. But bungee jump? Nuh-uh. Never wanted to. Never will. That’s just crazy.

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Call Me Insane

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Last week I admitted I’ve added yet another cat to my furry four-legged menagerie. Crazy? Let’s go with no. Insane? Possibly. I’ll let you be the judge, even though last week I asked you not to judge me. So I guess what I actually am is a hypocrite.

I had hoped my feeble attempt to tug at your heartstrings would win you over so you’d see I’m a regular person who happens to love animals sometimes more than people. Now don’t get me wrong; mostly I think people are fine and dandy. In fact, I’m quite fond of many of them.

But with my cats and dogs, I love pretty much everything about them — how trusting they are, how excited they get greeting me at the door when I’ve only been gone an hour, how they love me unconditionally and follow me around the house like ducklings trailing their mom. I could go on but I’ll spare you.

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