Category Archives: Humor

Bring It On!

Posted on by

So you probably know about my trials and tribulations with a leaky kitchen faucet. Trouble was, the insurance inspector couldn’t say for sure if that caused my hardwood floor to buckle but they refused to replace it just the same. I griped about it, threatened to go elsewhere, and the funds miraculously appeared in my checking account.

So off I went to look for new flooring, deciding on Luxury Vinyl Planks because it’s practically bullet-proof. That’s fine and dandy but what I wanted is flooring that’s pee-proof, water-proof, scratch-proof, and one that cleans itself. I got three out of four. Not bad.

You see, Taffy misses her pee pad almost daily. Callie, who is 13 this month, physically can’t make it out the dog door most days and try as she might to hit the pee pad, her foggy eyes mean her aim isn’t stellar. Then there’s Oliver with his luxurious long fur (which means constantly cleaning up hairballs) and Fat Jack who overindulges then promptly vomits his meal. Consequently, as much as I like it, hardwood flooring in my house is dumb.

Continue reading →

You Won’t Believe This

Posted on by

Last week while gardening I got bit by a poisonous spider on my left thumb. My hand swelled to the size of Donald Trump’s head. I know, I know. I’m picking on the guy. But when I have such juicy material to work with, I simply can’t resist.

spider thumb

Anyway, when the swelling appeared to cut off my circulation, I drove myself to the emergency room. At this point my hand was as hot as a fire iron and crimson red. I can’t tell you how scary and painful it was. Long story short, I’m now typing this blog with one less thumb.

Okay, okay, I’m lying. Need I remind you I said you won’t believe this? Well, I wasn’t lying about that. If you actually fell for my story and felt bad I lost my thumb, I’m sorry you’re gullible.

gullible
Continue reading →

A Close Call

Posted on by

If you had your hand on my chest right now, yes it’d be inappropriate, but the point is, you’d feel my heart beating like I’d just seen a ghost. I’d love that, actually. Seeing a ghost, that is. But the reason my heart is on overdrive is because my 4 mutts were just attacked by another dog.

I almost talked myself out of taking Callie, Skip, Wally and Taffy for a stroll because, well, it’s called pure laziness. My days have been so packed lately that when I drag my weary bones home, the thought of moving from my cozy chair is not an inviting one.

Callie and Wally
Taffy
Skip

Still, guilt won me over. How can I relax when 8 eyeballs are glued to my every move? I felt their stares even as I pretended to be asleep. But my unsympathetic mutts were having none of it. So I begrudgingly took them for a walk.

Continue reading →

As Luck Would Have It

Posted on by

Our USTA 65+ women’s tennis team won our league playoffs to go to Sectionals this past week. I know, shocking, huh? I have to admit we surprised everyone, including ourselves, after beating the team that nearly won at Nationals last year.

For those of you who follow tennis about as much as you follow cricket, it means the team we beat was a whisper away from being the best 65+ women’s team in the nation. Kind of a big deal for amateur tennis players.

So during playoffs, it’s safe to say our hopes weren’t particularly high. In fact, our opponents brought champagne and had a luncheon spread to celebrate their impending victory. But here’s the thing — sometimes luck wins out over talent. And as luck would have it, we beat them.

Continue reading →

Scary Stuff

Posted on by

Two scary things happened last week that were, well…scary. Frightening is another good adjective. I could even say alarming. But rest assured all is well, though it did get me thinking about what to do if this occurs again.

The first incident happened at my desk while I read and sent emails, a never ending task. Seemingly out of nowhere, I started to feel odd. Some of you will say, “But you ARE odd.” That, however, is beside the point.

No, this feeling was different. My head started to throb then my jaw began to ache, first up near my ears next to my jaw hinges, which I’m guessing carries a more technical name. (I just looked it up and it’s actually called a temporomandibular joint, which is why I’m sticking with jaw hinges.)

Continue reading →