Category Archives: Humor

Being Prepared (just in case)

Posted on by

Okay, so I lied. I said I’d have a new post this week. But since this one was written 13 years ago, who remembers it? Not me. So it’s sort of new, if you look at it from that perspective.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Girl Scout. That’s because I’m always prepared. I can’t help it. I’m a compulsive planner and a bit of a pack rat.

My mom said whenever she gave us kids Popsicles, I always asked for two, “Just in case I drop one.” Invariably, she’d insist one was enough. So I’d grip the stick tighter and hope for the best.

In high school, my sister thought I was demented. She couldn’t fathom why I finished my homework before dinner when I could do it over Cheerios in the morning. But I liked knowing it was done, just in case. In case of what?  I have no idea. Continue reading →

Gaining on the Golden Years

Posted on by

Busy, busy, oh so busy…therefore please enjoy this post from 2013 and I’ll be back next week…

Last year, after my 56th birthday, I began to understand what the phrase, “feeling your age,” actually entails. What caught me by surprise, however, is how it looks.

Evidently, my  appearance has betrayed me. Strangers no longer refer to me as “miss.” At some point, I stepped over that invisible threshold into a new reality. I am now known as “ma’am.”

me leaning on pole

Apparently this is how “ma’am” looks

Aging is sly the way it sneaks up on you. There are no bulletins to announce its arrival. It suddenly appears when you aren’t paying attention. Looking in the mirror one day, you wonder whose face is staring back. Personally, I never saw it coming.  Continue reading →

Am I Losing It?

Posted on by

This post previously ran in 2019

It’s an epidemic.

losing my mind 2

Many of my friends are in the same boat with me when it comes to a frequently foggy memory. I have to say, it gives me immense pleasure knowing I’m not floating out there alone. That sounds callous, doesn’t it? But mostly, it fills me with hope that I’m not, in fact, losing it. It being my mind. Granted, I never had a particularly sharp one. But these days I sometimes find my boat lost in a sea of fog.

Getting older hasn’t bothered me that much. I mean, if it weren’t for my stupid back, I mostly feel like a 30-year-old. I don’t have aching body parts a 64-year-old might expect. Maybe because I’ve always been active. Now don’t get me wrong; just because I don’t feel my age doesn’t mean I don’t look it. I certainly do. Sadly, I recently gazed into my 10x magnifying mirror and just for a second wished I was blind.

magnifying mirror 2
Don’t do it
Continue reading →

Tequila and Pork Chops

Posted on by

I have two words for you: LAKE TAHOE. That  means I didn’t get any writing done this week. But here’s a post from a column I wrote in 2001, when I was MJ (Married Janet).

There are few things of which I’ve been certain. I’m the queen of indecisiveness. Mexican or Italian for dinner? Hmm…maybe Italian? Wear the beige or blue skirt? I guess the beige? What color should we paint the house? Don’t even go there.

In fact, one decision that actually came easy for me was to adopt our buff-colored Cocker Spaniel, Tequila. I suppose, to be truthful, it wasn’t actually my decision. Knowing my history and the fact that I would waver between dogs for days, my husband picked her and I nodded in agreement and relief. Good choice, Jim.

We had good intentions from the get-go and decided not to feed her fattening table scraps. We bought the best dog food we could find and congratulated ourselves on not giving in to those pleading brown eyes under the dinner table.

Cocker Spaniel puppy

Continue reading →

Living with My Imperfections

Posted on by

I’m finally on a short vacation so here’s a post written when I was MJ (Married Janet), before I began adding photos.

I can’t say there are many personal features I particularly like about myself. To begin with, I’m three inches too short. At only 5’3” (and that’s stretching it a quarter inch), all my pants need to be hemmed.

My car seat is so far forward, the steering wheel appears impaled in my chest. And hiding those fat bulges isn’t easy because, let’s face it, there’s just less territory. Continue reading →