Tag Archives: humor

What’s a Dog to Do?

Posted on by

Number 9 of my 10 pets is Taffy. Here’s her story...

I imagine many people awake in the morning to the scent of coffee brewing, the aroma of eggs and bacon wafting throughout the house, thanks to a thoughtful significant other. Now don’t get me wrong; none of that describes my mornings. For instance, take Thursday morning last week.

You know that sound people make when they’re about to vomit? Sort of a dry heaving that comes in three second rhythms until it’s no longer dry? You know what I mean if you’ve ever had food poisoning or possibly one too many Moscow Mules. So I immediately recognized what was happening on the floor of my bedroom.

Moscow Mules
Go easy on these

You see, my latest mutt, Taffy, has taken to eating cat litter. Just another non-endearing trait from this adorably obnoxious canine. At least it’s corn-based litter, which might be the attraction. But her obsession with it is unwavering and my attempts to block her from that room (while giving the cats access) have obviously proven unsuccessful.

Taffy close up2
Adorably obnoxious
Continue reading →

Love Me Some Sweet Releaf

Posted on by

You’ll have to excuse me if I’m slurring my letters. You see, I’m under the influence of weed cream. Therefore, I can’t be held responsible for inappropriate words I’m likely to type. There’s also a chance I might not make sense. But what else is new? Let’s blame it on weed cream.

mercy wellness2

What, you might ask, is weed cream? Actually, I’m surprised you don’t know. Being one of only 2 other people I’m aware of on the planet who’ve never tried marijuana, I thought pretty much everyone was savvy to the multitude of ways the drug is used. Now don’t get me wrong; I’ve still never smoked the stuff. I’m more interested in the medicinal effects of pot. This is what happens with age.

It’s not that I have anything against pot smokers; I just never had any interest. I did, however, try smoking a cigarette once. It felt like my throat was closing and I’d slowly suffocate to death, whereupon I’d be found days later half-eaten by my dogs. Unlike my cats, they aren’t as particular about what they consume. Meet Picky, Picky and Picky.

Continue reading →

Wouldn’t Have It Any Other Way

Posted on by

By now you know I live with 10 pets — three dogs and seven cats.

Notice I didn’t say they live with ME because in reality I live with THEM. And boy do they know it. I’m a bit outnumbered, especially with my cats. So consequently, what I want is of no interest to them. My purpose in their eyes? Make sure their bellies are full, and to accommodate them, use no more than the very edge of my king size bed.

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not complaining. And lest you think otherwise, I’m actually sane (although it may not seem that way to petless people). But that’s fine with me. You’re entitled to your opinion, however erroneous it may be. Fortunately, I don’t fault you for it.

I’ve lived alone now for nearly 15 years, if having a ton of pets can be considered living alone. I guess I should say I’m the only human in my house. It was my first time going solo since I left my parents home to share a rental with Sharon.

Continue reading →

10 Ways to Influence People Without Talking

Posted on by

I was dealing with Covid last week so here’s a post from 2017. Happy 2024 everyone!

Yesterday I was reading about observational studies, including ways to influence people without actually speaking to them. In other words, silent communication. Not that I want to influence anyone, mind you. Nor be silent. As you learned in last week’s post, not speaking is tough for me.

But ever since I minored in Abnormal Psychology in college I’ve been fascinated by studies that attempt to interpret behavior (probably why I’m so interested in true crime stories). So here’s what I learned from these various studies:

 
abnormal-psychology1) If a person is interested in who they’re talking to and what they’re saying, their pupils dilate. So next time you go on and on about your crappy job, look closely into the listeners eyes. If those pupils are as tiny as a grain of sand, consider changing the subject. Sex is always an eye opener.
 
diatlated-pupil-2

Definitely discussing sex

2) If you’re a waitress, studies show that servers who touch customers on the arm, shoulder or hand get better tips. So get grabby and rake in the bucks, ladies! I’m guessing that means waiters, however, should keep their hands to themselves, lest they get slapped with a sexual harassment suit. Talk about double standards…

 
3) If you want to look important, take up space. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking scarf an entire bag of Double Stuff Oreos and put on the pounds. Taking up space means it helps to sit tall during a job interview. Statistically speaking, taller people are more liked and rise higher, professionally, than shorter folks…just another reason for me to resent being 5’3”.
 

Continue reading →

Don’t Leave Home Without It

Posted on by

I can’t believe I’m old enough to say this but back in the day I didn’t have a cell phone in my purse whenever I left the house. That’s because they weren’t invented yet. Unlike today, I was able to function just fine without staying connected every second of every day to every human being I know. If I needed to talk to someone I waited until I got home to dial them from our rotary phone.

beige phone 2

Yep, my family had a dial-up phone ages ago. Now don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t around in the day of switchboards like on the Andy Griffith Show where Andy has to ask switchboard operator, Sarah, to ring Aunt Bee for him. Please, I’m not THAT old!

andy griffith

Anyway, our phone was beige with a long coiled cord that stretched from the kitchen nook into the dining room where we sat and gabbed. But for many years prior, the cord was only 2 feet long so we had to stand to talk. This was also the day of party lines. Know about those?

Continue reading →