Tag Archives: humor

I’m Actually Not Just Pathetic, I’m Farcical Too

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Last week in my post, This Just In: I’m Pathetic, I mentioned that this week I’d add three more reasons why I’m pathetic and then be done with it. But after much thought, I believe I’m more on the farcical side than pathetic. But I’ll let you decide. So having said that…

Here goes #1…

I named Siri on my iPhone and the accent I wanted him to have. I’ve always loved an Australian accent, so I chose someone I envisioned looking similar to Mel Gibson back when he was drop dead gorgeous and before I learned he’s not the person I thought he was.

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The Fix

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Here’s a post I wrote way back in 2016

I have to say I’m writing this sorely aware of pretty much every muscle in my body. I say sorely because I believe I feel pain in just about every fiber of all 640 muscles. Did you know we have that many? Me neither. I had to look it up. But my point is, I feel pain in all of them.

Let me explain…remember when I juiced for 10 days to help cleanse my system of the baked Cheetos and taffy I keep stashed in the console of my SUV? You don’t?! Well then, you need to read my post: Welcome To My Detox.

cheetos

Turns out I spend an inordinate amount of time in my vehicle traveling to trap feral cats for spay/neuter. A gal gets hungry you know. Nothing worse than trapping at Dillon Beach miles from a grocery store when a hankerin’ for cheese and crackers hits. So I keep a stash of edibles in my console. Sometimes they aren’t what one would call healthy snacks. Hence the cleanse. Continue reading →

A Year in the Life of a Blogger

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So I’ve been forced to reprint a posting from 2016. By forced I mean I didn’t write this week. (Oops, my bad.) Do people still say that? Anyway, never fear. Tonight I’m going to start writing next week’s blog just for you. In the meantime I hope you enjoy this one…

Hard to believe I’ve been penning this blog since November, 2012. In case you suck at math, that’s 169 blog posts at once a week. That’s a lot of posts. Just between you and me, sometimes I wonder if I’ll run out of words. Although, as you’ve probably discovered, days when I have little to say hardly ever happen.

I don’t write about anything life changing or probably even interesting, mind you. It’s all mainly humorous observations about my life. That’s a quote from my About Me page, which you’d know had you read it. No worries.

I forgive you

If I’m being honest here, I have to admit I didn’t post a new entry every Sunday. And the reason I know this? Because I get a stat report at the end of each year from WordPress. You can’t believe the stuff they track. Don’t worry, nobody’s stalking how often you read my blog. That would just be creepy. I don’t actually know my readers’ identities unless they comment. (Hint, hint.)

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It’s Me, The Ignoramus

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So 10 months ago, I had my roof re-shingled and in doing so, they had to remove my DIRECTV dish. According to my roofers, DIRECTV put it in the wrong spot. Odd how the dish has worked nicely for the last 20 years in the wrong spot.

Anyway, apparently it became damaged when they removed it, so I contacted DIRECTV for a new one. After 20 years on their protection plan, I rarely needed them. I can think of many other things I’d rather have spent that $2400 on. But now that I’m off the plan, what do you bet next month the whole system crashes? Oh well…

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Why I Almost Killed My Sister

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I almost killed my sister on my birthday.

say it isn't so

Now don’t get me wrong; I realize it’s shocking to lead with that, especially since this is supposed to be a humor blog and death isn’t funny. Spoiler alert: there will be a happy ending. Sort of.

It started 3 days before my birthday when I called Vicki to see whether her doctor contacted her with test results from the previous week. At 64, she’s lived most of her life with debilitating obsessive-compulsive disorder, is developmentally and physically disabled and now has a muscle condition forcing her to use a walker. Life has not been particularly kind to Vicki.

Bill, Vicki me at Tahoe

Me, brother Bill and Vicki at Tahoe circa 1960

Vicki sleeps late and doesn’t have a cell phone or computer. I can only contact her via her home phone. She often can’t reach it before it goes to voicemail so I leave a message and hope she calls me back. But this time she didn’t. I figured she’s probably out getting dinner and will call me later. But no. Continue reading →