You’re a Stinker

Years ago I read that during the filming of Gone with the Wind, Vivien Leigh was quoted saying Clark Gable had atrociously bad breath, making intimate scenes with him extremely unpleasant. To this day I can’t watch a Clark Gable movie without thinking about that and wondering if his female costars held their breath in his presence. His response? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Just a guess…

Looks to me like she's holding her breath, don't you think?

Yep, definitely holding her breath

Movie stars have a certain image they portray on screen and it sometimes crosses over into real life. Many are glamorized and idolized — all those words ending with “ized.” But the truth often contradicts our impression of them, don’t you think?

Now don’t get me wrong; we all know the persona is an illusion the movie industry created. Still, nobody wants to hear the awful truth, like Bradley Cooper stinks. Yep, you read that right. He’s a…stinker

You see, I recently read an online entertainment article where “industry insiders” who work with the famous had not-so-flattering things to say. So if you’d rather keep the illusion alive, quit reading now so you won’t continue believing Johnny Depp actually showers regularly. illusion

Back to Bradley. Did you know he doesn’t believe in using deodorant, but showers 2-3 times a day instead? Wouldn’t it be easier to dab a little Right Guard under his pits and save some precious water? But he’s not alone. Seems being stinky is embraced by Hollywood’s elite.

What's deodorant?

What’s deodorant?

Take Academy Award winner Russell Crowe. Granted, it doesn’t shock me he might smell slightly earthy. But Joan Rivers once reported that on the red carpet, our boy Russell was quite pungent. If he stinks on one of the most important nights of his career, one can only assume he’s unbearable during the average day.

A red carpet stinker

A red carpet stinker

Johnny Depp admits he rarely showers, avoiding soap for multiple days in a row. And here all this time we thought his greasy locks were a fashion statement created by hair gel. Oh Johnny, if only that were so…

Not hair gel

Not hair gel

Cameron Diaz, as adorable as she appears, has refused to wear antiperspirant for 20 years, saying it’s bad for our bodies. What about how bad it is for those standing downwind of her? Another little ditty — she wears clothing continuously, then opts to toss rather than wash.

Adorable stinker

Adorable stinker

Matthew McConaughey is another who shuns deodorant, saying, “Women love my natural scent.” Okay Matt, you keep believin’ that.

Something smells musky

What’s that awful smell? Oh, that’s just Matt’s natural scent

Even America’s sweetheart, Julia Roberts, admits she only bathes every few days and even then does it military style out of “concern for the environment.” How admirable. But I wonder if she can find more effective, less odorous ways to reduce her carbon footprint?

I bathe every Tuesday whether I need to or not

Bathes every Tuesday whether she needs to or not

And here’s a real disgusting tidbit: Megan Fox doesn’t always flush the toilet at friends’ homes. And we’re not just talking pee pee here. She says, “I guess that goes to show how you can get away with pretty much anything when you look like this.” Wow.

Too pretty to flush

Too pretty to flush

But I’d have to say I found Jessica Simpson to be the most repulsive. She told Ellen DeGeneres she doesn’t brush her teeth daily because “it makes my teeth feel slippery.” Instead, she sometimes wipes them clean with a sweater. Really?

That sweater will come in handy later

That sweater will come in handy later

So there you have it. And I bet that’s just the tip of the iceberg with stinkers. But I can’t bear to know more. I prefer living in the fantasy world of the movie industry, where, if I see Jennifer Aniston on the big screen, I can pretend her breath doesn’t smell like my cat Oliver’s, but rather, is reminiscent of sweet gardenias.

Spoil alert: Forget the gardenias; Jen’s co-stars say her breath always reeks of coffee. Figures, doesn’t it?

Put it down and slowly step away from the coffee

Put the cup down, Jen. Now slowly back away from the coffee

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