It’s no secret I’m inept when it comes to anything to do with technological gadgetry, like how things work, why they stop working and how to fix them when they do. That includes DVRs, cell phones, computers, TVs, microwaves. They all baffle me.

I once threw my iPhone across the room when it wouldn’t send emails. I know that’s a bit harsh. But let me just say it had a VERY secure cover and safely survived the toss. (Lucky for me.)

See? Indestructible

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t advocate hurling your gadgets in frustration but I have to admit it was a tad satisfying. I’d say lately my gadgetry tolerance is being challenged. I’m dependent on them and now they’re falling apart. All in unison, I might add. I think they’re doing it on purpose, the hateful little bastards.

I imagine that once I’m asleep, they all awaken like the exhibits in the movie, Night at the Museum. They gather in the family room where they discuss how best to annoy me. Sometimes they choose to simply malfunction, other times they stop working altogether, like being on strike.

I bet the dishwasher sits near the French doors. The oven and microwave plop down on the big sofa and my iPhone and computer share the easy chair and ottoman. And then the scheming begins.

We tend to be a throw-away society but I prefer to keep what still works, regardless of its age. Take my exceedingly loud dishwasher I’ve ignored for years. If people come over when it’s running, we need to use sign language because none of us hears what the other is saying.

So when the dishwasher smelled of burning rubber on its last dry-cycle, I can’t say I was disappointed. Good old dishy finally kicked the bucket after a good 15 years of dedicated service.

Then that same week, my microwave went kaput without any warning. I’m actually having to heat food on the stove or in the oven now. Can you imagine? I miss instant gratification.

What seemed like minutes later, my oven decides to revolt. The temperature knob has been gone for years, so I use pliers to turn it on and off, but now it’s screaming like a woman in labor and takes forever to reach the desired temperature. Time to say bye-bye.

So long, oven

Around this same time, the satellite dish to the upstairs TV receiver kept losing its connection. I called Direct TV and hallelujah, they fixed it over the phone. And that’s when I discovered why my DVD player wouldn’t work. Are you ready? The unit wasn’t plugged in. Not. Plugged. In. I’m an idiot.

My-not-very-old-refrigerator is leaking again for the third time in 8 years. But the 25-year-old fridge in the garage has an indomitable will to keep my yogurt cold by refusing to succumb to old age. Gotta admire its spunk.

Old Faithful

Wait, there’s more: my SUV now refuses to go into reverse. You’d be surprised how often you actually need reverse; my bedside lamp turns itself off and on like it’s possessed; my Fitbit no longer syncs to my computer; my electric garage door only opens 2 feet on cold days. I have to wait until the sun emerges to use the garage without doing the limbo.

All this happened in the last couple months. So now I’m replacing my broken things with new things. I have little doubt that in about 10 years (or less), this particular group of gadgets will also gather in my family room to plot how best to annoy me.

And sadly, they will succeed.