I must confess I’m starting off the new year being a bit of a hypocrite and some, I might add, would say a conformist. That’s because as much as I prefer to avoid making New Year’s resolutions, mainly because I rarely keep them, I’ve gone and done that exact thing.

Yes, my friends, I’m going along with millions of others who resolved on Friday morning — New Year’s Day — to make a change or two…like the only time we can do such a thing is January 1st! Now don’t get me wrong; I have nothing against setting goals and working toward them but I ask you, do you know anyone who kept their New Year’s resolution beyond January?

I suppose someone out there stuck with it into February and possibly March but they’re strangers to me. And anomalies. Seems I don’t have motivated friends. Or family. Or acquaintances. But hey, I’m not throwing stones because I’m totally with them when it comes to resolutions. Too much pressure, if you ask me.

So why then am I making a resolution? Simple. I’m being a bit of a hypocrite. You see, when I hurt my back almost 2 years ago and couldn’t exercise, the inevitable happened and I’m now 12 pounds mushier (which looks like 20 pounds on a shorty like me). I now more closely resemble one of those 17th Century nude paintings of a “fleshy” woman. You know the ones…

But now that my back is cooperating, I’m playing tennis and exercising again. Maybe I’ll actually make it into February with my resolution intact before throwing in the proverbial towel. I’d say the jury is out on that one. Still, here’s what I did in becoming a bit of a hypocrite…

I finally started using the Total Gym I bought months ago. It’s a contraption that uses pulleys to help exercise pertinent body parts that have been sorely neglected these past months. I placed it next to the workout bench I bought years ago but still haven’t assembled. Hey, don’t judge me; I’m using my Total Gym so let’s stay focused, shall we?

Also, on New Year’s Day I did the ultimate hypocrisy by joining a food program called Noom. I know, it’s not like me. (But admittedly, being 90% off was hard to resist.) The program focuses on a cognitive, behavioral approach to what we eat — a sort of psychological exploration of our choices and how to make them better. On that note I should tell you my motto:

Let me just say I don’t believe in total deprivation. I mean, if I had to give up my favorite chocolate cake with rum custard frosting, what’s the point in living? (Besides, I only have it once a year.) Anyway, Noom is not about depriving. I know people on the program and it’s working very well for them, thank you very much. So I figure I’ll take on these 12 pounds by trying to take them off. (See what I did there?)

Also on New Year’s Day, I took vitamins for the first time in months. Never mind they’ve likely expired by now. I also did something I rarely do; I weighed myself. Ugh! In addition, I started drinking more water because just like cats, I’m almost always dehydrated. You know those people who always carry a water bottle around with them?

Let’s see, what else? I think that’s plenty for now, don’t you? How about I check back at the end of January with a report on how successful, or worthless, I’ve been at being a hypocrite? Now if you will excuse me, it’s 10:00 p.m. on January 2nd and I forgot to take my vitamins and have yet to drink a glass of water. Uh oh.