Yesterday I was reading about observational studies, including ways to influence people without actually speaking to them. In other words, silent communication. Not that I want to influence anyone, mind you. Nor be silent. As you learned in last week’s post, not speaking is tough for me.

But ever since I minored in Abnormal Psychology in college I’ve been fascinated by studies that attempt to interpret behavior (probably why I’m so interested in true crime stories). So here’s what I learned from these various studies:

1) If a person is interested in who they’re talking to and what they’re saying, their pupils dilate. So next time you go on and on about your crappy job, look closely into the listeners eyes. If those pupils are as tiny as a grain of sand, consider changing the subject. Sex is always an eye opener.

2) If you’re a waitress, studies show that servers who touch customers on the arm, shoulder or hand get better tips. So get grabby and rake in the bucks, ladies! I’m guessing that means waiters, however, should keep their hands to themselves, lest they get slapped with a sexual harassment suit. Talk about double standards…

3) If you want to look important, take up space. Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking scarf an entire bag of Double Stuff Oreos and put on the pounds. Taking up space means it helps to sit tall during a job interview. Statistically speaking, taller people are more liked and rise higher, professionally, than shorter folks…just another reason for me to resent being 5’3”.

5) According to the Smell and Taste Treatment Research Foundation (yes, this place actually exists), lavender and pumpkin pie turn men on. Next on the list — donuts and black licorice. Now if you’ll kindly excuse me, I’ve got a pumpkin pie to bake.

6) If you want someone to say yes, nod your head. Nods are as contagious as yawns.

7) If you want to appear sexually experienced, get a tattoo. You’ll be viewed as a thrill and adventure-seeking person with less inhibitions. Now if you’ll kindly excuse me again, I have somewhere I need to be.

8) According to a 1989 study, if you want someone to fall in love with you, gaze into their eyes for 2 minutes. Many participants reported passionate feelings for one another.

9) When you’re losing a game, bad body language can cause a downward spiral, so act like you’re winning. Square your shoulders, puff out your chest and walk with confidence; you might turn the game around. I’ll let you know how this works next time I’m getting smoked at tennis.

10) Supposedly, finger length is linked to hormone levels. If a man’s ring and index fingers are the same length, he may be gay. If a woman’s ring finger is noticeably longer than her index finger, she may be gay. And here’s an observation I can safely say without having conducted a study: every one of you stopped and looked at your hand just now, didn’t you?