What Gives Me The Willies

Last week I wrote about how I try to accept scary or creepy looking things for what they are even though they often give me the willies. And for the most part I can do that. Except when it comes to one particular species: snakes.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I hate snakes; I just don’t like ‘em. They sorta make my skin crawl, the hair stand up on the back of my neck. You get the picture. And try as I might to accept them, I freak out whenever I encounter one. So I’m failing miserably in the acceptance department where snakes are concerned.

What brought this up, you ask? I read an article last week about a man who found a snake hiding in his sofa. Since you’re probably in shock, let me repeat that. A ginormous snake was curled up behind a cushion in this man’s sofa!

So here’s the deal in case you didn’t know…

A San Diego man noticed something bumpy under his sofa cushion so he lifted it, no doubt thinking his sweatshirt had slipped under there. And there in all its snake-like splendor was a 7-foot Vietnamese blue beauty rat snake curled up taking an afternoon nap.

So here’s the thing. If that happened in my house, which is not out of the question since my cats sometimes bring me gifts from the backyard, I’d have had heart failure or been killed by a car as I ran screaming from my house into the path of a texting driver.

My point is, either way that snake would have caused my demise. I know, I know. They can’t help how they look any more than I can help being short. Well anyway, the homeowner called a snake removal company to come get it.

Needless to say, I’d starve before taking that job. But luckily there are people who are as comfy with snakes as I am with cats and dogs. And God bless ‘em. Someone has to love snakes, right? Company owner, Alex, is one of them.

Alex said the reptile was not native to California and is not venomous. (Not that that would make me any less afraid of it.) Alex said it most likely belonged to someone as a pet and escaped. Lacking a controlled environment, the snake is being treated for a respiratory infection. Well, now I feel bad for the poor thing.

That article was followed by one about a Malaysia flight where a snake was seen slithering through the plane’s overhead lights. Probably just like the movie I refuse to see — Snakes on a Plane. So the flight was rerouted. How would you like to have been the passenger sitting under that overhead light?

Air Asia’s chief safety officer said that after landing they fumigated the plane and, here’s the clincher, he assumed the snake was removed before passengers were allowed back on. ASSUMED?! Are you kidding me? This is the chief safety officer! Remind me never to fly Air Asia, okay?

Anyway, we hear about all kinds of stories like this. Spooky creatures being where they ought not to be.

Just kill me now

If I try to put myself in the snake’s place, I’m sure it’s freaked out about being behind a cushion, in a plane’s overhead light panel, or in a toilet looking at someone’s butt (or other body part). In those cases, I have empathy for beings who weren’t born as cute as a panda bear or the fennec fox.

Instead, snakes were cursed with a slightly less appealing outward appearance. So I guess the least I can do is try and appreciate them. I can’t say I’ll ever like snakes. But if I don’t recoil when I see one, I’ll be quite pleased with myself.

I have no words…

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