This is embarrassing to admit, but since we’re buddies and I know you won’t judge me, I’m going to tell you what I did.
You know how pitiful my memory is, right? Unfortunately we’ve established this in numerous postings. But I’ve also been known to embarrass myself even when I’m alone, if that’s possible. And guess what?
I’m a note taker. This goes hand in hand with someone whose memory banks have a slow leak, sorta like a puncture in a Doughboy pool. Therefore, I’m lost without my precious notebook. Like a Visa card, I never leave home without it.
So one day a couple weeks ago, my constant companion was tucked under my arm. As I went from room to room, I added to my arm’s length to-do list: Buy pinto beans and macaroni noodles. Fix the bathroom faucet drip. Order more file folders…Just like taxes, it doesn’t end.
Once my list reached peak capacity, I headed out for the day. All was well until I realized my notebook was missing. This catastrophe was akin to being lost in a jungle; I had no idea where to go or what to do. My mind went blank (more so than usual). What was #10 on my list?! No doubt something important.
Once back home, I tore the house apart. I looked in every nook and cranny for that notebook. By the way, what is a cranny? Anyway, I didn’t find it. Then, a couple days later when I dug through the refrigerator, I moved bottled water to the side and there, leaning against a container of cottage cheese, was my treasured notebook!
Talk about embarrassing. I could only surmise I placed it on the shelf because my hands were full and walked away clueless. Regardless, I laughed once I finished berating myself.
The other recent embarrassing moment came when I made a quick trip to our local grocery store. On this particular day I took the catmobile, our nonprofit’s blue SUV. Less than 10 minutes later I emerged from the market, groceries in hand, and headed for the car while simultaneously reading a text. I hit my remote, opened the door, and jumped inside.
As soon as I got into the vehicle, I placed the groceries on the passenger seat. And that’s when things got weird. Neatly folded on that seat sat a pair of children’s pants and a shirt with shoes and socks placed on top. Also, I noticed the rear view mirror wasn’t adjusted to my height.
Stunned, I looked toward the back, whereupon an array of kids toys were scattered across the seat. Now don’t get me wrong; I never had children so therefore don’t have grandkids. That’s when a wave of panic engulfed me. This wasn’t my vehicle! Had you been watching, you would’ve thought the SUV was loaded with very pissed off yellow jackets, or worse, a carload of snakes. That’s how quickly I exited the SUV that didn’t belong to me.
So here’s the thing; turns out a similar blue SUV parked next to mine. Because I was reading a text, I hadn’t noticed that important little detail. Thankfully, the owner of the SUV didn’t see me emerge from her car (which she left unlocked so idiots like me could unwittingly enter). Luckily, a couple kids weren’t sitting in the back seat. That would have scared the begeebers out of all of us.
I mean, seriously. Please tell me I’m not alone in having these absentminded, embarrassing, dingbat lapses. And if you can’t do that, kindly keep your comments to yourself!