Tag Archives: humor

A Memorable Weekend

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I went on an adventure this past weekend without ever leaving the house. Well, actually, it was the garage. I finally decided to delve into the stacks of old boxes filled with long-forgotten papers, dig into shelves of stored-away treasures and clean out musty cupboards…you get the idea.

I guess you could say I’m a bit of a pack rat, although I save memories, not junk (as some would say). So, with the exclusive goal of one day being able to squeeze something other than one car into a two-car garage, I threw on my sweats, some gloves, and armed myself with large green garbage bags. Then I dug in. Continue reading →

Gaining on the Golden Years

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Last year, after my 56th birthday, I began to understand what the phrase, “feeling your age,” actually entails. What caught me by surprise, however, is how it looks.

Evidently, my  appearance has betrayed me. Strangers no longer refer to me as “miss.” At some point, I stepped over that invisible threshold into a new reality. I am now known as “ma’am.”

me leaning on pole

Apparently this is how “ma’am” looks

Aging is sly the way it sneaks up on you. There are no bulletins to announce its arrival. It suddenly appears when you aren’t paying attention. Looking in the mirror one day, you wonder whose face is staring back. Personally, I never saw it coming.  Continue reading →

Being Prepared (just in case)

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When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Girl Scout. That’s because I’m always prepared. I can’t help it. I’m a compulsive planner and a bit of a pack rat.

My mom said whenever she gave us kids Popsicles, I always asked for two, “Just in case I drop one.” Invariably, she’d insist one was enough. So I’d grip the stick tighter and hope for the best.

In high school, my sister thought I was demented. She couldn’t fathom why I finished my homework before dinner when I could do it over Cheerios in the morning. But I liked knowing it was done, just in case. In case of what?  I have no idea. Continue reading →

Now Don’t Get Me Wrong

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I realize today’s post will probably offend those of the male persuasion, but on behalf of women everywhere (or at least those who read this column and happen to agree with me), I feel it’s time to break the silence.

My intent today is not to insult men, but rather to enlighten them to Proper Behavioral Manners, henceforth known as PBMs. The perplexing male behavior I’m referring to is, specifically: (a) nose picking, (b) spitting, and (c) the ever popular crotch grabbing. Continue reading →

The Art of Shopping

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The following column was written in 2008 as MJ (Married Janet)

When I was a kid, I prided myself on being able to bargain for anything. I traded baseball cards with the neighborhood boys, exchanged ugly marbles for prettier ones and swapped old toys for new. I reveled in the challenge of finding and acquiring the best deal.

Some things never change. Here I am, over 40 years later, and I still love finding a  bargain. In fact, I will often refuse to buy something I want because it’s not on sale. I ask you, what greater thrill is there than getting a $50 sweater for $14.99? (Unless it’s trading two rookies for a Willie Mays….) Continue reading →