Tag Archives: pet peeves

10 Things I Find Ridiculous, Chapter 1

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This blog was originally posted in 2014, and I still find all 10 things ridiculous…

You might think this particular post is similar to my “Pet Peeve” posts. But my peeves are totally different than what I find to be ridiculous. Peeves annoy me; ridiculous things baffle and sometimes amuse me. So here are 10 things I can only describe as…

1) The murder trial OJ Simpson: This one is the epitome of ridiculousness. The fact that 12 jurors could buy the cockamamie fiction OJ’s attorneys fed them, is beyond belief to critical thinking people. I say had his lawyers gone with the theory that an alien landed his spaceship in Nicole’s backyard, committed the murders, then framed OJ before silently hovering back to the mother-ship, they would have reached the same verdict. I lost all faith in our judicial system that day. I now rest my case.

Beam me up, Scotty!

2) Diminishing eyesight: Used to be I was far-sighted. Now I am neither far, nor near-sighted. So where does that leave me? Blurry-eyed, that’s where. Oh, the joys of aging. Our muscles become soft while our lenses harden. I tell you, it’s ridiculous.

3)  Sagging: This is the fashion trend where young males, referred to as Saggers, wear their extremely over-sized pants far below their waists. In fact, the lower they can get ‘um, the cooler they feel. Maybe I’m aging myself but here’s what I see: a young man holding his pants up in order to walk, while at the same time stepping like a Geisha girl in a kimono because the crotch of his jeans is nearly around his knees. Come on!  I’m all for fashion statements but this one completely escapes me.

I just don't get it

4)  Academy Award winner speeches: These are precisely why I tape the program. I fast forward through all the gloating to get to the good stuff – the dresses. Hey, isn’t that why we ladies tune in? In fact, I usually mute the red carpet segment too. Anyway, when will actors learn that an Academy Award doesn’t equate to curing cancer or solving world hunger? What the award actually means is this: you did a good job of pretending to be a particular character and your publicist did an excellent job of marketing you and your movie. Now get over yourself.

...and thanks to God, my country, my mail carrier, my dog groomer, for they are all responsible for my awesomeness.
…and thanks to God, my accountant, my mail carrier, and my stylist, for without them, I wouldn’t be as awesome as I am

5)  Smart cars: Really? My scooter is safer than cars like these that crumble upon impact. Now don’t get me wrong; they may be eco-friendly, but what do you care when you’re dead? At least on my scooter I can see what’s about to annihilate me.

A not-so-smart car, if you ask me
A not-so-smart-car, if you ask me
After colliding with a motorcycle. A motorcycle!
After colliding with a motorcycle. A motorcycle!

6)  Watermelon with seeds: Why bother with spitting out those slimy black seeds? It’s gross and nobody can pull it off without looking vulgar. Besides, eating watermelon containing seeds is like choosing a Walkman over an iPod. Why would anyone do it? Try the seedless, people!

See what I mean?
See what I mean?

7)  Viagra Commercials: Does anyone believe there’s one single man in America who hasn’t heard of this wonder drug for weenies?I think not. So save your millions on advertising costs for a product every male knew about mere seconds after the very first commercial aired. Here’s a thought…why not throw some of that dough toward a cure for breast cancer?

8)  Honking your horn in bumper to bumper traffic: Seriously? What’s up with that? We’re all stuck, not just you, so get a grip. Unless you’re trying to send a polite warning of: please don’t back up, I’m behind you, or saying hello to someone in the next car, you’re being a jerk. So quit it.

9)  Diets: It’s a dirty word, if you ask me. The fact is, it takes weeks of watching what I eat to lose five pounds, but a slice of lemon meringue pie and two peanut butter cookies later and I’ve gained it all back, plus two pounds.

10)  My dog Skip: It’s been months since I had the new dog door installed and Skip still can’t figure out how to use it.

Fortunately, I’m never at a loss for finding the ridiculous; all the more to blog about. Stay tuned for the next chapter.

Pet Peeves, Chapter 2

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Pet PeevesIf you’re under the impression my Pet Peeves blog in July of 2013 was my entire list of peeves, you’re sorely mistaken. I’d say something ticks me off pretty much every week. When I factor in all the driving I do with our feral cat rescue, I seem to have ample opportunity to figuratively wring the necks of enough drivers to fill an overstocked Toyota sales lot.

Yes, dear friends, there are simply too many pet peeves for me to list in one blog. So what follows is 4 among, no doubt, many more… Continue reading →

My List of Pet Peeves for the Week

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Pet Peeves. We all have them. But what may drive me nuts might not faze you, and vise versa. My pet peeves generally occur while I’m driving. You should hear me during those moments. Well, on second thought, maybe you shouldn’t. What spills out of my mouth often surprises even me.Now don’t get me wrong; the following aren’t my complete list of pet peeves. I’m not sure such a list is ever entirely finished. Personally, I develop new pet peeves weekly. So here are my open letters (this week at least) to those who push my buttons (and maybe push yours)…

Dear slow drivers:

The gas pedal is there for a reason. Please use it. The speed-limit means you shouldn’t exceed that speed. It doesn’t mean you should drive 15 mph under it while in the fast lane. Or, come to think of it, in any lane.

Slow drivers cause accidents because fast drivers (like me) almost barrel into the back of your car. Everyone coming up behind you slams on their brakes. The end result is a traffic jam, all because you were sauntering down the freeway way below the speed limit.Here’s a word of advice (so people like me are not tempted to work a crossword puzzle while crawling behind you): If it appears you’re leading a funeral procession, you’re driving too slow. PULL OVER and let the 11 cars behind you pass.

Dear bike riders:

I bike too, so I can sympathize when you feel cars are running you off the road. But I have to tell you, you might be asking for it.

Sharing the road goes both ways

Sharing the road goes both ways

Riding side by side with your buddy on a curvy two-way road is a BIG no-no, yet it happens all the time. When you’re this oblivious, cars behind you can’t pass without risking a head-on collision, so traffic crawls along behind you.

Oblivious or just inconsiderate?

Oblivious or just inconsiderate?

Here’s a tip: wait until your ride is over to chat. And buy a biking mirror. You’ll be able to see what’s happening behind you so you can thoughtfully shift your spandex-laden body into single file whenever cars approach. That’s so much simpler than losing your left leg to an impatient driver. Dear pet guardians:

If you insist that Spot accompany you in your car on a warm day, let alone a hot one, please consider cracking the window more than an inch. Nobody is going to steal a dead dog.

And who wants to see an animal panting in obvious distress because you left the window open only enough for a fly to squeeze through? What are you thinking?

Here’s my tip to solve that: sit in your car for 15 minutes under the same conditions and then tell me how comfortable it was. Of course, you’ll be explaining this from the emergency room after they revive you. That’s unless you have brain damage, of course.

Dear grocery store patrons:

Please get a clue. When you’re waiting in line, it would be awfully nice if you were aware that you will eventually need to pay for those groceries.I just love standing behind you while you’re reading People Magazine and then act surprised when the checker says what you owe.

You quickly put the magazine away (thank you for that), search through your crowded purse, can’t quite locate your wallet and then decide to pay in cash instead of the oh-so-easy (and quick) swiping of your debit card.

Worse yet, you keep everyone waiting while you insist on giving exact change, one sweet quarter, dime, nickel and penny at a time, all buried at the bottom of that monstrous purse of yours. Happy hunting.

Dear manufacturers of jar lids:

Why do you make your lids so tight that I need a tool caddy just to open my jar of jam?

Isn’t the object to be able to eat or drink whatever is under your lid? If so, you don’t make it easy. I twist until the lid striations are imbedded in my palm for a week; still doesn’t budge. I hit the side of the lid with the handle of a knife; no dice. I stick the tip of a bottle opener under the lip to loosen it, but still no jam. I try using one of those rubber pads that help grip and twist. No luck. I decide it’s not worth the effort and eat a piece of fruit instead. I shudder to think what those with arthritis do in these situations.

I suppose they just go without jam.