If you’re under the impression my Pet Peeves blog in July of 2013 was my entire list of peeves, you’re sorely mistaken. I’d say something ticks me off pretty much every week. When I factor in all the driving I do with our feral cat rescue, I seem to have ample opportunity to figuratively wring the necks of enough drivers to fill an overstocked Toyota sales lot.
Yes, dear friends, there are simply too many pet peeves for me to list in one blog. So what follows is 4 among, no doubt, many more…
PP #1: Skinny jeansSeriously? I call these pants SEDs (Self Esteem Diminishers). Now don’t get me wrong; I’m on board with close-fitting straight-leg jeans. But what demented soul invented these ankle-hugging-form-fitting-show-my-every-buldge-jeans? In my opinion, the only people who do them justice are super models. I don’t know any of those, do you?
For the rest of us (who actually possess hips, a butt or thighs), these pants tend to accentuate those features. And not always in a good way. Skinny jeans fail to disguise disproportionate body parts. Since I possess said body parts, I try to stay away from these SEDs.
You, however, might be at peace with your butt. In that case, you go girl!
PP #2: People on cell phones in crowded placesLast month at the DMV, a woman standing in line behind me took a cell call. Let’s call her Milly. For the next 10 minutes, I and 60 other customers, heard all about Milly’s cousin’s extravagant shopping spree, her aunt’s poor health and a recitation of the menu where Milly planned to have dinner that night. My grocery list is more entertaining than that conversation.
The thing is, Milly was oblivious to the rest of us. Although she received many stares, it never occurred to her that people 20 feet away heard every last word.
What is it that makes us scream into our cell phones as if the listener on the other end is trapped in a deafening wind tunnel?
Now hear this: I don’t want to hear that Melanie is straying with Lisa’s husband, Kevin, and that Lisa hired a PI to follow them. But now that you’ve peaked my interest, it’s cruel to leave me hanging.
Does Melanie know Lisa suspects them? What’s the going rate these days for PI infidelity sleuthing? Details. I need details.
PP #3: Phone recordingsOkay people, voicemail has been around over 30 years. We all know the routine: Hear the beep, leave a message. A preschooler can do it. Still, some folks must think we’re slow learners. I ask you, how many times have you heard this:
So and so is not available to answer your call. At the tone, please record your message. When finished, you may hang up or press 1 for more options. To send a fax, press 2 now. To leave a call back number, press 5.
PLEEESE! First off, do I need to be told to hang up when I’m finished? Are you under the impression I’m not capable of realizing that? And by-the-way, does anyone actually press those numbers? No, they do not.So get rid of that recording. It steals 15 seconds of our lives each and every time we listen to it. I’d say over the last 20 years I’ve lost a good day just waiting for that mundane message to finish.
My suggestion: assume that by now we know what to do. In fact, how’s this:
Hi, this is Janet, you know what to do…beeeeep.
I just saved you 13 precious seconds, thank you very much.
PP#4 – Items sealed in plastic thief-proof wrapping
I tend to think the manufacturers of certain items have overestimated their significance in our lives. No, dear flashlight makers, I have no desire to steal that $20 pack you have hermetically sealed in plastic, which takes a good 10 minutes to open.
First, I search for a razor blade to carefully cut into the perimeter of the wrapped flashlights. In doing so, I nearly slice off my index finger.Then, I find my sharpest scissors and cut slits all around the package, into the plastic. I attempt to pull back these slits, usually managing to nick one of my fingers in the process.
Frustrated and ranting, I toss the item across the room, whereupon a flashlight finally dislodges from its plastic coffin, landing in my dog Callie’s water dish. On second thought, who needs flashlights anyway?So yes, dear friends, I’m afraid my pet peeve list is extensive, as I imagine yours might be. Therefore, I’ll leave you with just these 4 and save the other 167 for future blogs.