I must confess. Since the holidays I’ve been chowing down like it’s my last few days on earth. Yours truly is eating like calories don’t count. So I’m not counting them. I’m going to be cremated so I’m not worried about fitting into a casket; I’m more concerned about fitting into my pants tomorrow.

If only it were this easy

Now don’t get me wrong. I have no plans to die anytime soon and I don’t mean to make light of death (even though this is presumably a humor blog). I also know I’m being extremely superficial here…all points worth noting before I continue.

I’m joining a friend for a movie and I’m bitterly aware of the fact I have few pants that are not, shall we say, uncomfortably snug. Besides, I feel better when I’m 10 pounds lighter than I currently possess. It’s hard to accomplish that, though, when one is a sugar addict, as I wrote in Confessions of a Sugar Addict.

Anyway, I should mention I hate scales because I prefer not being a slave to what I weigh. But when my zipper gets stuck half way up, reality strikes and strikes hard. So I did it. I bought a Weight Watchers scale.

Sadly, it’s actually true what they say — as you age, it gets tougher to keep weight off and to lose it when you inevitably gain it. To that I say, DAMN! The thing is, until I hit 60, I usually lost weight whenever I really tried.

But now my body resists shedding pounds as often as I fail to resist temptation. I guess they sorta go hand and hand at this stage. And I’m not a bit happy about it. But I won’t accept defeat without a fight. So I went a step further and joined — drum roll please —

Well, actually, I signed up for their online program where I don’t have to attend meetings. Except I haven’t figured out how to use their app yet. Who has the time? So until I get my you-know-what together, I went with option B — print out their list that includes everything I can eat without needing to add up daily points.

This alternative method includes most veggies, fruits, nonfat dairy, protein, some whole grains — just plain old healthy eating, something I tend to do anyway when I’m not eating a cookie. Or a brownie. And then there’s cake…

Now that’s just cruel

So on April Fools’ Day (how apropos), I started being more conscious of what I put in my mouth. It’s now exactly a month later and I haven’t had a single cookie, candy, slice of cake or piece of pie. I know, pretty amazing, huh? I’ve started back on my exercise program of Pilates and yoga and I’m playing more tennis.

I do confess, however, that one day last week I ate a little ice cream I had in the fridge. Very little. But Weight Watchers allows for using extra calories one day a week if you’ve been good. Besides, the ice cream was No Sugar Added and lower carbs. So practically doesn’t count, right?

But maybe it does… here’s the thing. Even though I do feel better and don’t miss the blatant sugar, I’VE GAINED 4 POUNDS IN 4 WEEKS! Can you believe that? Actually, I couldn’t. So I bought a new scale, thinking mine was defective. Unfortunately, I got the same result…

Maybe I’m eating too much fruit or not enough veggies. Who knows? Guess it’s time to learn Weight Watchers point system. But if the scale doesn’t head downward soon, I may have to start eating cookies again.

Honestly, I see no alternative.