So Monday I’m driving in the rain, tending to the usual feral cat stuff. And even though my blog runs on Sundays, I started thinking about my next topic. It’s never too early to plan, especially since I’m a last minute kinda gal. (Sometimes I’m writing at midnight Saturday night.) So I’m thinking and I’m thinking. But…

Now don’t get me wrong; I knew something would come to me (and probably Saturday around midnight). But then, there ya go. Just like that, something came to me. And here it is:

Monday’s weather was weird. Rain one minute, sunny the next. Surprisingly, I actually remembered to bring my raincoat. For my last errand, I headed to Home Depot for tin garbage cans to store excess cat food since rodents have discovered my garage is a culinary gold mine.

The garbage cans were outside in the garden section but the lids sat on a top shelf. (Naturally.) So to reach them, I placed my purse on the lid of one can and used another can to hoist myself up to grab the lids. I thought, okay, now I’m outta here. Except my purse was gone. It had slid into a can where 3 inches of rain water sat waiting to soak my Baggallini .

The evidence

Upon uttering an expletive, I fished out my dripping wet belongings, including my soaked iPhone. Memories of ruining my last one in my washing machine washed over me, flooding me with panic. (Did ya catch the wordplay there? Thought so. You’re pretty sharp.)

Fortunately, my phone was still working but the volume had been affected. In the parking lot, I put the cans in the back of my new but used Catmobile. And the second I closed the hatch, I spotted my keys sitting next to the cans. Uh-oh. Again, I uttered another expletive because, as it turns out, my new but used Catmobile was now locked.

I called AAA but since my volume was on the fritz, the automated non-human couldn’t detect my answer to the question, “Are you in a safe place?” There was no “Press 1 if you’re screwed. Press 2 if you’re really screwed.” So for 20 minutes I’m standing in the parking lot yelling, YES I’M IN A SAFE PLACE! But to no avail. Then, on a whim I decided to press 1 and I actually got a human.

While I waited for AAA (they said 55 minutes), I headed back into Home Depot, numb from the cold while showers loomed overhead. Naturally, my raincoat sat neatly folded in the back of my new but used Catmobile. When Ricardo finally arrived, he tried for 45 minutes to open the door. The only way anyone will ever break into my KIA Sorento is with a hatchet. I tell ya, those cars are like Fort Knox.

A patient Ricardo

By now it was 6:00 p.m. and hunger hit hard. The apple and handful of Goldfish crackers I’d had for breakfast were long gone. I instantly regretted skipping lunch. But rummaging through my wet purse, I discovered a Mandarin orange and nothing ever tasted as delicious. Then, peering into my window, I spotted my Goldfish crackers taunting me from the front seat.

Meanwhile, to kill time I called my friend Loretta. When she heard my dilemma she insisted on picking me up, taking me home and retrieving my spare key since things were looking bleak with Ricardo. However, minutes after my savior arrived, Ricardo opened the door.

Quite pleased with himself

Two and a half hours after pulling into the Home Depot parking lot, I headed home having learned a valuable lesson: Never skip lunch.

Oh yeah…and get a Hide-A-Key.