A Felon with a Pretty Face

 

Jeremy Meeks.

Jeremy Meeks

Unabomber, Ted Kazinski

Unabomber, Ted Kaczynski

If you don’t recognize that name or face, you don’t own a TV, read the newspaper, have a computer or listen to the radio. That means you’re most likely a hermit living in a cabin in the mountains of Minnesota. Does Minnesota have mountains?  If so, that’s probably where you’re living – sort of like the Unabomber except with essentials: an espresso machine, See’s milk chocolate chews and Crest Extra Whitening Toothpaste. After all, you’re not a barbarian, just uninformed. Now back to Jeremy…

For those cabin-dwellers who don’t know, Jeremy is also known as the sexy felon after his mug shot was posted by the Stockton police. Thirty-year-old Jeremy earned the moniker from being the proud recipient of a felony weapons charge, gun and gang-related charges and for violating his parole.

No folks, Jeremy is no Pat Boone. (Am I dating myself?) But does that matter to thousands of women who’d love nothing more than to be his cellmate? Judging by the 100,000 “likes” he received on his Facebook page, I’d say the answer is a resounding no.

Pat Boone AKA Mr. Nice Guy

Pat Boone
“Mr. Nice Guy”

You see, Mr. Meeks is a hot commodity simply because he’s considered handsome. A felon with a pretty face. Yep, you read that correctly. The new Pretty Boy Floyd. Perhaps there’s a shortage of good looking criminals because the reaction to this guy is baffling to me. Pretty Boy FloydNo, Jeremy isn’t difficult to look at with deep blue eyes, full lips and a chiseled jaw. But now he’s garnering the type of attention reserved for celebrities. I suppose when you think about it, he’s sort of a male version of the Kardashians…pretty, but why are they famous? The KardashiansAnyway, I thought about including Jeremy in my monthly, Things I Find Ridiculous blog but this level of ridiculousness deserves more than 50 words. Since his mug shot went viral, Jeremy’s now more well-known than most actors and models who work for years to be “discovered.”

I bet right about now they’re regretting not having considered breaking and entering, so their equally hot mug shots could be coveted by thousands of women. And perhaps one or two talent agents.

a stepping stone to fame

A stepping stone to instant fame (but only if you get caught and you’re handsome)

Now don’t get me wrong. Jeremy isn’t exactly sitting pretty. He’s still in custody with bail set at over a million dollars. But don’t feel sorry for this criminal with looks straight out of central casting:

* His mom has started an online fundraising site to pay for his defense. She’s collected $5000 to date.
* Jeremy was offered a $30,000 modeling job and a $100,000 porn contract.
* He signed with a Hollywood agent (what a surprise).
* He’s being considered for reality TV. Can you imagine that?? (And yes, that sentence deserved 2 question marks.)Jeremy Meeks modelingSo now PBJ (Pretty Boy Jeremy) has a bright future. I’m not begrudging the guy that, only how it was achieved. I didn’t hear anything about his 3 accomplices being offered their own TV show. And you know why? They’re not as attractive. Harsh, I know, but the brutal truth. Our society admires beauty, even beautiful criminals.In the past, Jeremy has spent years in prison for forgery, grand theft and identity theft. But I’d never heard of him. Had you? Maybe he took a bad mug shot for those particular crimes. If only the lighting had been better…

Anyway, when the hot felon gets out of prison, we’ll see if he has the same offers. My advice for Jeremy: keep away from simple carbohydrates. They’ll put the pounds on ya quicker than you can snatch a widow’s wedding ring from her bedside table. And don’t be tempted to buy Ramen from the prison commissary just because it’s cheap and filling. You might get pudgy and ruin that modeling career waiting for you in 2 to 5 years. Maybe sooner with good behavior. Top RamenOh, I forgot to mention, Jeremy was also offered free laser tattoo removal for his Crip tattoo, his neck tattoos, and the teardrop stenciled under his left eye. That way he’ll better fit the Abercrombie and Fitch image when he’s modeling their clothing. I say he keep the teardrop since he’ll be crying all the way to the bank.Yes ladies, get in line to date Jeremy. He certainly has a bright future, thanks to those baby blues and pearly whites. Never mind he’s a gang member and habitual thief. He’s easy on the eyes. That’s all that matters, right? So go ahead and let him steal your heart.

Just be careful he doesn’t swipe your Laptop while he’s at it.

Not a bad idea when Jeremy's around

Not a bad idea when Jeremy’s around

Previously posted in July, 2014, probably why you don’t remember Jeremy…

2 thoughts on “A Felon with a Pretty Face

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