What I’ll Never Do

The other day as I drove down the freeway, a car suddenly left the fast lane and cut across 2 other lanes to reach the upcoming exit. A bold and reckless move. I caught myself saying out loud, “Whoa, that was crazy. I would NEVER do that.” (Although I admit I’ve come close.) And thus an idea was born for my blog. So here’s what I’ll never do…

HITCHHIKE

As you learned from my Boogeyman posting, I’m a fan of murder documentaries. So I know what can happen when someone, especially a lone woman, sticks out her thumb while standing alongside a road, asking a complete stranger to take her somewhere. Seriously? Have these people never heard of the Texas Killing Fields? You might as well be saying, “Hey psychopathic ax-murdering rapist-kidnapper, where ya goin’? Can I come along?”

Now don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying all those who pick up hitchhikers are any of the above. But am I willing to take that chance? I think not. Let it be known I’m not a lucky gambler, the sole reason I avoid casinos. It’s one thing to lose a bundle of cash. But by hitchhiking, I’d inevitably be playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded chamber.

BUNGEE JUMP

Speaking of death wishes, I’ve tried a lot of things that could be considered adventurous, maybe even dangerous. Or stupid. I’ve jumped from a plane; went gliding; rafted down a class IV river; biked around Lake Tahoe before I was a biker; kayaked alongside Orca whales off British Columbia; camped on a safari in Africa where a hyena slept against our tent; sat mere feet from a towering bull elephant; took up snowboarding at age 58 (not my brightest move); enjoyed hot air ballooning; tried parasailing, and more. But bungee jump? Nuh-uh. Never wanted to. Never will. That’s just crazy.

EAT MEAT

The last time I ate an animal (chicken) was April 11, 1990. Back then, as part of the intro to volunteering at Marin Humane, we watched a variety of videos. It was my first introduction to factory farming. Those images have stayed with me 30 years later. And honestly, I don’t miss meat one bit.

WEAR FUR

I guess this goes hand in hand with not eating meat. Not that I ever actually owned a fur. But I have a closet full of my mom’s old fur coats that I’m wondering what to do with. Any ideas?fur coats

GET A PEDICURE

With my long, skinny toes, the last thing I want is for people to be looking at them. A pretty nail polish would do just that. So my toes remain naked. Incognito, just the way I like them. Oh, and did you know I have a double toe? Forgot to mention that little detail. It’s not totally double but sort of like conjoined twins. I inherited that abnormality from my Nana. Now that you’re fully repulsed, let’s move on, shall we? (And no, there will be no accompanying photo!)

ROTATE MY TIRES EVERY 5000 MILES

I only know two people who actually do this. Personally, I wait until my tires are nearly as bald as Mr. Clean. Or more likely, someone notices for me. Then I buy a new set of tires.

READ THE ENTIRE TERMS OF A CONTRACT
We’ve all seen them…the box we’re supposed to check at the end of a contract that states: I have read and agree to the terms of this contract. I suspect the only people who actually read them in their entirety are the attorneys who write them.

Anyway, you know there’s plenty more I’ll never do. What might that be, you ask? Patience, dear friends, patience. You know what they say…

4 thoughts on “What I’ll Never Do

  1. Janet, don’t forget in Africa having to pee in rock outcrops where spitting cobras lived. Next time its best to pee behind the jeep. Although that was the best adventure!

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