Two scary things happened last week that were, well…scary. Frightening is another good adjective. I could even say alarming. But rest assured all is well, though it did get me thinking about what to do if this occurs again.

The first incident happened at my desk while I read and sent emails, a never ending task. Seemingly out of nowhere, I started to feel odd. Some of you will say, “But you ARE odd.” That, however, is beside the point.

No, this feeling was different. My head started to throb then my jaw began to ache, first up near my ears next to my jaw hinges, which I’m guessing carries a more technical name. (I just looked it up and it’s actually called a temporomandibular joint, which is why I’m sticking with jaw hinges.)

Quickly, the ache spread throughout my jaw. I tried repeatedly opening and closing my mouth but that did nothing other than make me look foolish to anyone walking by my office window. But I didn’t care because I remembered a common symptom of heart attacks among women is jaw pain.

Just in case I remembered wrong, I Googled it and yep, there it was, along with other symptoms I didn’t have. In about 15 minutes, the ache was gone and I chalked it up to chewing too much gum. But it got me thinking if I keel over at home, when would I be found?

I wasn’t due to meet anyone soon so I’d be rather rank when discovered, don’t you think? And what about my 9 animals? They’d starve to death. Except Jack. He can live off his fat for weeks. Hopefully the others would have enough sense to munch on me until my friends came looking when I didn’t show for tennis.

The second alarming thing that happened was last Sunday night. Super tired, I headed upstairs unusually early, around 10:00 p.m., to read in bed. Just as I turned off the downstairs lights, the doorbell rang. Now don’t get me wrong; I just about had a real heart attack this time. I wasn’t expecting anyone so who would be at my door at this hour?

I went to the door never intending to open it. Turning on the porch light, I peered through the glass design on the door and asked, “Who is it?” No answer. So I looked out the window onto the porch. Nobody was there.

Since I read true crime books, my imagination took over. There aren’t any homes across the street, so anyone could break in and not be seen. (Don’t tell anyone.) I figured it was just teens doing a ring and run. But once I got upstairs, someone started banging on my door. Not gently knocking like a friend would, but a purposeful bang like someone planning to murder me. Perhaps an axe murderer.

I peered out the window but saw only darkness. No person, no car. Nothing. Where is the moon when you need it? I thought of calling 911 but what would I say?

Me: “Help! Someone is knocking on my door!”

Operator: “So what’s the problem ma’am?”

Me: “It might be a murderer.”

Operator: “Or maybe an Amazon delivery.”

Me: “At this hour?! I’m betting on a murderer.”

Operator: Click.

So instead, I texted my helpful neighbor Paul and asked if he had knocked on my door. Nope. But unlike me, he was brave enough to venture into the night and take a look around. And I’m happy to report he didn’t find anyone lurking in the bushes.

He did, however, discover a late night Amazon delivery.

Originally posted in 2020