Category Archives: Humor

Confessions of a Sugar Addict, Chapter 2

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If you didn’t read last week’s post, you can click on it (below) before reading Chapter 2 — also originally posted in 2014. Grab a cup of coffee and a donut, and enjoy!

sugar and treats

Not a whole lot has changed since I wrote Confessions of a Sugar Addict in 2014. And that’s why, for those of you who know me, I’m about to tell you something that will have you calling me a liar. Simply put, you won’t believe me.  Drum roll please…I have not eaten sweets in 119 days (and counting).

say what

I’ll wait while you recuperate from fainting after reading that. I’m sure the shock must be overwhelming. I’m going to get an apple while I wait…be back in a few. Okay, I’m back. Hope you’re feeling better now.

shall we continue

Yes friends, I’m almost sugar free. ALMOST being the operative word. I’m not a perfect human. I have my vices and the white stuff happens to be one of them. Precisely because I’m flawed means I will again one day eat chocolate. It’s a given. Like bell bottoms making a comeback.

bell bottoms 2

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Apparently I’m a Genius

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Well it’s official. I can finally divulge what I really am. No, I’m not a man in a woman’s body. But nice try. And I’m not in the Witness Protection Program, hoping that my former life and real name, Shannon Miller, is all in the past. Wouldn’t that be something though? If so, I’d now be back in hiding, having just blown my cover.

witness protection program

So no, my news isn’t quite that exciting. But here it is:

Last week I learned I’m a genius.

I know…it came as a surprise to me as well. Those who know me can attest that I’m not the brainy type. I’m more the flighty and absentminded type. In high school I was more interested in being with friends and playing sports. I honestly don’t remember studying much. Did I do it at the kitchen table? In my bedroom? Could it be I don’t remember because I rarely studied? That would be my guess.

study desk

Doesn’t look familiar

In college, I received my bachelor’s degree with a 3.2 GPA, which is basically a B. Not bad, but definitely not genius. Especially since I wasn’t particularly enthralled with my major, Social Work. I ask you, how can an 18-year-old be expected to know what she wants to do for the rest of her life?

confused

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Be Careful What You Wish For

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It appears nothing interesting happened this week so I posted this blog from 2018 out of desperation…

I’m driving along, again wondering what I should blog about this week. What can I write that you might want to read? So I thought, I wish something interesting would happen so I don’t resort to posting a previous blog out of desperation. Word of advice:

be careful what you wish for

Recently I’ve undergone some procedures: a bone scan for oldies like me, a pap smear, mammogram…all the fun stuff. So I’m getting my pap when the doctor says, “I see you have osteoporosis.” What? Appears my bone scan showed I’d graduated from soft bones to full-fledged-about-to-crumble-bones.

Oh the joys of being short, small-boned and Caucasian (risk factors for osteoporosis).

Then the next day I had a mammogram even though, as I’m pushing 63, they suggest doing it every 2-3 years. They can suggest all they want; I get one every year.

better safe than sorry

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The Perks of Aging (Yes, There Are Some)

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There’s something to be said about crossing over from being a ‘miss’ to becoming a ‘ma’am’. As it turns out, that little ditty happened to me many moons ago and let me tell ya, it was a shocker when I heard it.

It happened in a grocery store when the clerk asked me,”ma’am, would you prefer paper or plastic bags?” I was around 40 years old and totally speechless for a moment, realizing he was talking to ME. I quickly regrouped from the shock and said, “Paper please,” and drove home in a daze.

Getting long in the tooth, as they used to say, happens to the best of us and thank goodness it does. I mean, I’m in no hurry for the alternative. Now don’t get me wrong; it’s not all bad getting old. As it turns out, there are a few nice perks to aging, hard as that seems.

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