Why I Almost Killed My Sister

I almost killed my sister on my birthday.

say it isn't so

Now don’t get me wrong; I realize it’s shocking to lead with that, especially since this is supposed to be a humor blog and death isn’t funny. Spoiler alert: there will be a happy ending. Sort of.

It started 3 days before my birthday when I called Vicki to see whether her doctor contacted her with test results from the previous week. At 64, she’s lived most of her life with debilitating obsessive-compulsive disorder, is developmentally and physically disabled and now has a muscle condition forcing her to use a walker. Life has not been particularly kind to Vicki.

Bill, Vicki me at Tahoe

Me, brother Bill and Vicki at Tahoe circa 1960

Vicki sleeps late and doesn’t have a cell phone or computer. I can only contact her via her home phone. She often can’t reach it before it goes to voicemail so I leave a message and hope she calls me back. But this time she didn’t. I figured she’s probably out getting dinner and will call me later. But no. Continue reading →

Why I Almost Killed My Sister

I almost killed my sister on my birthday.

say it isn't so

Now don’t get me wrong; I realize it’s shocking to lead with that, especially since this is supposed to be a humor blog and death isn’t funny. Spoiler alert: there will be a happy ending. Sort of.

It started 3 days before my birthday when I called Vicki to see whether her doctor contacted her with test results from the previous week. At 64, she’s lived most of her life with debilitating obsessive-compulsive disorder, is developmentally and physically disabled and now has a muscle condition forcing her to use a walker. Life has not been particularly kind to Vicki.

Bill, Vicki me at Tahoe

Me, brother Bill and Vicki at Tahoe circa 1960

Vicki sleeps late and doesn’t have a cell phone or computer. I can only contact her via her home phone. She often can’t reach it before it goes to voicemail so I leave a message and hope she calls me back. But this time she didn’t. I figured she’s probably out getting dinner and will call me later. But no. Continue reading →

I Love to Purge (Not What You Think)

There’s something about spring that pushes me to get rid of stuff. And now with only 19 days left before summer, I better get the lead out…and the excess clothing I never wear…and the kitchen utensils I’ve forgotten I even owned.purge

I find that over the course of each year I’ve collected more than I’ve purged and I’m running out of space. Therefore, if I’m to continue collecting (and I’m guessing I am), it’s essential purging begin immediately, if not sooner.

So, over Memorial Weekend I did just that. While all of you were smartly spending your time outdoors, I began the weekend with my head inside my wine cabinet. And what I found surprised me. You see, I’m not much of a wine drinker because it makes me sleepy. But I do occasionally enjoy a nice Pinot with pasta, followed by a long nap.wine cabinet

Continue reading →

Sharing Secretsl

We all have secrets. If you think you don’t, then you’re being secretive. Naturally, some secrets are juicier than others. Now don’t get too excited; my secrets aren’t all that juicy. You won’t learn that I’m in the Witness Protection Program from testifying at a mafia murder trial in Chicago. No, my secrets pale in comparison. Here, I’ll show you…Witness Protection Program

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Who You Callin’ Quirky?

People are funny, don’t you think? And I don’t mean in a comical, ha-ha sort of way; I’m talking about beingquirkyNow don’t get me wrong; we all have our quirks, some more severe than others. I guess the trick is in surrounding ourselves with people whose quirks are tolerable. Failing that, at least choose friends whose quirkiness is entertaining, if nothing else. Continue reading →