The ridiculous continues. Here are this month’s 7 picks…

Nellie

1. My dog Nellie. The last 3 times I’ve walked my Greyhound she’s chosen to stop at the same house to do her business. That wouldn’t be so bad if her business wasn’t comprised of a load of disgustingly runny poop. (Hope you aren’t eating right now.)

To make matters worse, the homeowners are always out front. What are the odds? I do carry poop bags and always clean up after my dogs but still, this is getting ridiculous. Try as I might to coax her over to the next house (where those homeowners have the good sense not to be home), one simply cannot budge a pooping Greyhound once she becomes so inclined. I believe it’s time to change our walking route.

Oh how I wish…

2. Spam emails. I’ve noticed our business email account gets tons of spam these days. Just today we had over 200 messages in spam. And guess what the majority were? You got it – guys trying to sell other guys something to increase their penis size. (Wonder how many guys just clicked on that?)

Anyway, sometimes the subject line says, “Your relationship won’t last if you don’t.” If that’s true, dump your gal as quickly as possible. You can do better.

What about her? She seems nice

Many of these spam emails are from Big Richard. I guess we’re supposed to believe he got that way from taking whatever product he’s trying to sell. I couldn’t tell ya since I don’t open Richard’s emails. But I’m guessing many guys do. So I have some unsolicited advice for them…

Forget about ridiculous contraptions and pills promising to make you bigger and last longer in order to “keep” a woman. Here’s a tip to ensure she’ll love you like no other: Listen to her. Hear what she’s saying, or at least appear interested, if that’s all you can muster. Oh, and bring her chocolate. That’s a biggie (pun intended). Trust me on this one.

How to keep a woman (in an assortment of flavors)

3. Gray hair on men. Why is it that men who have gray hair are considered distinguished while women with the same are matronly? So not fair…And whats with the hair coloring labeled Just for Men? Will it not work on women? Can the product actually discern between the hair of men and women? And what would happen if I used Just for Men? Would I suddenly acquire a receding hairline?4. Irrational people. While I was trapping over 20 feral cats for spay/neuter on a cattle ranch not long ago, the rancher tells me, “Only catch and sterilize the cats that aren’t black and white.” What?! “Why is that? I asked. She replied, “I want the black and whites to continue breeding so eventually all the cats will match our Holsteins.”I believe my mouth actually dropped open. That comment was so  preposterous (as well as irresponsible and well…stupid) that I was literally speechless for once in my life. Fortunately, I convinced her of the absurdity of her request (as nicely as possible) and had them all sterilized.

Do I look like a Holstein?

5. Parenting commercials. Don’t you find it ridiculous that we have commercials telling parents to spend more time with their children? Has it really come to that? Are parents that disconnected with their families that they need reminders to spend time with them? And if so, is a commercial all it takes to make that happen?

Hey honey, this commercial says we’re supposed to do stuff with our kids. I had no idea. Thank goodness we saw this on TV tonight!

Before seeing that commercial

After her light-bulb moment

Hum…guess I underestimated the power of the boob tube.

6. Donald Sterling. For verbally proving he’s a racist then thinking we’d believe his denials. That’s not only ridiculous but stupid. (I’m sensing a theme here.)7. Kayne West. Need I say  more?

So those are my ridiculous observations this month. We humans are brimming with ridiculousness, which is precisely why I have enough material to blog once a month on the subject, probably for the rest of my life.

Now don’t get me wrong. When I’m not being embarrassed, disgusted, perplexed, amazed or dumbfounded by the ridiculous, I’m often rather amused. Aren’t you?