I promise this will be my last Wally blog entry for a while. Now don’t get me wrong; I didn’t return him to the humane society. I’m not that cold-hearted. Frankly I’m surprised the idea even crossed your mind because it’s never crossed mine. But let me tell ya, I’m beginning to think Wally’s previous owner neglected to divulge some of the Wallster’s less desirable behaviors.

Caught in the act

As you read last Sunday, Wally is challenged in a few areas: peeing and pooping in the house, not coming when called, chewing anything he can fit into his mouth, barking at strangers, car sickness, fear of rain, stealing food from my plate…

Wally’s previous owner returned him saying his car sickness was a deal breaker since he planned to take Wally to work with him. To that I say phooey! And I never say phooey. My guess is he couldn’t handle the truth — Wally isn’t easy. These days I keep reminding myself nothing worthwhile ever is.

Yeah, the Wallster continues to test me every day. Since misery loves company, I thought I’d share his latest escapades with you, get it out of my system and as I’m sure you’re relieved to hear, write about something else next week.

So last weekend my group, Marin Friends of Ferals, participated in the Marin County Pet Fair. Saturday I knew I’d be gone 9 hours so I decided not to crate Wally. Instead, I put him in his belly band.

When I returned home, there wasn’t a drop of pee in sight. It was all collected in his Kotex pad inside the band. But wait, there’s more. He also pooped under the dining room table (as usual). I’m an idiot. What was I expecting? It was raining; Wally hates rain. Therefore he’s gonna poop inside.

The evidence

I didn’t mind picking up the various twigs and leaves Wally also carried in from the dog door (most likely during rain delays). You’d think he could have done his business while outside, right? Wally also discovered my pen on an end table and carried it to the sofa. You can guess what happened next. Yep, the hits just keep on comin’.

An interesting side note is that Windex, as the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding claimed, can fix anything from pimples to ink stains. I’m too old for pimples so I’ll take their word for it. But the ink was gone after a couple sprays. Windex! Who knew? (Besides the Greeks, that is.)

The next day I crated Wally. When I returned to walk the dogs, he wouldn’t pee or poop. No, he saved it for the moment we walked through the door and promptly deposited both on an area rug. No lie. Later when I was baking, I left a lower cupboard open, whereupon the Wallster snatched a vial of blue food coloring. I know this because he chewed it on the exact same sofa. Get me the Windex!

Oh….and did I mention he chews chair legs?

Wait, there’s more. I left my reading glasses on an end table (you’d think I’d learn by now but apparently not). I had a dozen glasses throughout the house. Now I have eleven.

What’s missing in this picture?

He also discovered my unopened yogurt at the same time on the same table. Guess where I found it half eaten? You got it — his favorite place to munch his loot.

In conclusion, I believe life is a series of lessons. And here’s what I’m learning from Wally:
a) I need more patience. Lots more.
b) Be consistent with housebreaking. Failing that, stock up on belly bands.
c) Don’t place anything on an end table I don’t want eaten — edible or not.
d) Never run out of Windex.

Okay, that’s it. I think I vented the Wally whining out of my system (for now).