One of the best things about watching the recent Academy Awards is not having to actually watch all 3 1/2 tedious hours.
All I can say is, thank you Lord for whomever invented the DVR. I’m able to fast forward through 2 1/2 hours of gloating movie stars to get to the real substance: the dresses. And maybe the occasional spontaneous, heartfelt acceptance speech.
I suppose you could call me an Oscar snob. Now don’t get me wrong; I love movies and great story telling. But for me, the fun part of the awards is seeing the latest fashions – who got it “right” and who didn’t; hearing who will humiliate themselves with a thoughtless comment on stage; who trips on her dress; who doesn’t actually smile on camera when they learn they’ve lost.
Those are the rare, real moments at the Oscars. It’s a night of watching popular, beautiful, rich people get even more recognition and awards for being good at having convincingly pretended to be who they aren’t.
So here are my Academy Award observations:
* The dresses were amazing. No meat dresses, no swan dresses. Not a feather in sight. Sort of took all the fun out of saying, That woman needs a new stylist. Only Lady Gaga’s red elbow-length leather dish gloves stood out to me. But then, it’s Lady Gaga. And that was rather subdued for her.
* Michael Keaton chewing gum the entire evening. It wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t chew like a beaver. It’s as if he has no molars, so keeps the gum at the forefront. Keaton only removed his well-chewed gum before the Best Actor category was announced. All for naught, poor guy.
* I wanted to slowly strangle Milena Canonero, the woman who won for Costume Design. Did she milk her 15 minutes of fame or what? It took her 30 seconds to get out of her chair, feigning surprise after learning she’d won. Then she proceeded to saunter to the stage as slow as humanly possible. I can only imagine how self-aggrandizing her speech must have been. Luckily, I could and did hit fast forward.
* The academy neglecting to mention Joan Rivers during the In Memoriam.
I’m sure I missed many more bad moments and for that I again thank my fast forward button.
THINGS I LEARNED
* Apparently I have no taste where “art” is concerned. I could only make it through 30 minutes of the award winning movie, The Grand Budapest Hotel. And I thought Birdman was kinda weird.
So what do I know?