Category Archives: Humor

I Love to Purge (Not What You Think)

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There’s something about spring that pushes me to get rid of stuff. And now with only 19 days left before summer, I better get the lead out…and the excess clothing I never wear…and the kitchen utensils I’ve forgotten I even owned.purge

I find that over the course of each year I’ve collected more than I’ve purged and I’m running out of space. Therefore, if I’m to continue collecting (and I’m guessing I am), it’s essential purging begin immediately, if not sooner.

So, over Memorial Weekend I did just that. While all of you were smartly spending your time outdoors, I began the weekend with my head inside my wine cabinet. And what I found surprised me. You see, I’m not much of a wine drinker because it makes me sleepy. But I do occasionally enjoy a nice Pinot with pasta, followed by a long nap.wine cabinet

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Sharing Secretsl

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We all have secrets. If you think you don’t, then you’re being secretive. Naturally, some secrets are juicier than others. Now don’t get too excited; my secrets aren’t all that juicy. You won’t learn that I’m in the Witness Protection Program from testifying at a mafia murder trial in Chicago. No, my secrets pale in comparison. Here, I’ll show you…Witness Protection Program

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A Disagreeable Back

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I’ve had a disagreeable back for 5 years.

I know, it sucks, right? And my condition exists for one reason only: Hilary. Yep. She is totally, entirely and wholly to blame for my current predicament. I suppose you noticed I used 3 adverbs just then. That’s because simply one isn’t nearly sufficient enough to describe the depth of Hilary’s responsibility for this nearly 64-year-old-once-healthy-person now having the back of a 98-year-old.

Hilary

The culprit

How can I blame sweet little Hilary for this, you ask? First of all, she isn’t so sweet. Don’t let that smile fool you. But she IS little. Barely reaching a diminutive 5’ 1” doesn’t hide the fact that the woman is no pushover. Nobody messes with Hilary. But I must admit she does have a generous side she shares with her friends. Unfortunately, she considers me one. I’ll explain…

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A Treasure and a Challenge

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Last week you met Taffy, the latest member of my furry family. So now I’d like to tell you what life has been like lately. Now don’t get me wrong; what I’m about to say doesn’t imply I regret my decision to adopt that little monkey. She is both a treasure and a challenge. Taffy on chair again

Let’s start with the challenging part, shall we? This will give you an idea as to how I spend a good portion of my time at home with Taffy. Picture the two of us standing in the rain in the backyard. It’s 7 a.m. and Taffy is staring up at me, quizzically, while I repeatedly say, “Go potty, Taffy. Go potty.” That scenario is quickly followed by more expressions of total confusion.

Taffy on firepit 3

What exactly are you asking of me?!

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Does Wisdom Really Come With Age?n

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They say with age comes wisdom. I’m not so sure I believe that. You see, I’m not exactly a spring chicken so you’d think I’d be pretty smart by now, wouldn’t you? There’s no doubt I’ve learned stuff along the way that’s helped me navigate through life. But in some areas I’m still quite lacking. And for that I blame my poor memory. How can I acquire this wisdom if my memory is on strike?

For instance, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve misplaced my keys. When I walk into the house, I should have a routine where I put them, don’t you think? Sounds reasonable to me. If I had a routine it would go like this: place the keys in a bowl on the counter. How hard is that? Apparently very.

Where my keys should go Where my keys should go

My mind is like a game of leap frog. It jumps from one thing to another. So by the time I exit the car, walk to the door, open it and walk in, I’m already on to another thought. I think I’ll make myself a grilled cheese sandwich then water the annuals. Oh, and I suppose I should fertilize while I’m at it. And so it goes…

Any conscious thought about keys became lost within the 20-foot span it took me to get into the house. Poof! Continue reading →