So one morning last week I’m rifling through my closet for a shirt. Rifling is probably not the correct lingo since my closets are fuller than Kylie Jenner’s lips. This fact sorta inhibits my ability to see all the clothing I own, making it extremely convenient to forget what’s hiding in my closet.

Kylie

What I’m trying to say here is I have a LOT of clothes. An awful lot. Apparently I tend to buy things but don’t often get rid of those things, even years later. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not a hoarder if that’s what you’re thinking. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But clutter makes me anxious unless it’s out of sight. So closets are perfect places to be a closeted hoarder, so to speak.

The problem is, I don’t like 90% of my clothing. I have absolutely no fashion sense like some of my friends. For instance, Pam and Sue always look put-together, you know what I mean? They have quality clothing that drapes their bodies as though sewn specifically for them. It doesn’t hurt that they have awesome figures. Even Polyester would look wonderful on them.

Stylish Sue

I suppose if I didn’t buy everything on sale I wouldn’t look so piecemeal. But I love a bargain. My excuse is that I have too many clothes so can’t justify paying full price for something I don’t actually need. Somehow my guilt is assuaged when I purchase capris at 30% off. Consequently, I have a closet full of clear-conscience clothing but nothing of quality I really love.

My home was built in 1960. Back then people didn’t own all the crap we do now. Closets in that day were like matchboxes — incredibly small and cramped. My bedroom closet was enlarged to run the length of the bedroom yet it still isn’t enough. Naturally I’ve filled every available inch.

Purses are stacked on a top shelf, shoes line the floor, tennis shirts occupy the top left, shorts the bottom left and tops fill the rest of the closet. Then there’s the spare room across the hall. It has a tiny closet but it too is filled with pants. All my clothes are lined up by color and style – short sleeves together, sleeveless, then those with sleeves. It’s organized chaos in there.

Not even half my shoes. I know, shameful

When I was married, my ex had dibs on the spare room closet. Men never have the amount of clothing we women do. They have some suits, a few slacks and jeans, some shirts, a pair of tennis shoes and brown and black dress shoes. That’s all they need and they’re good to go.

Tiny spare room closet

We women, on the other hand, require different shoes for different outfits, am I right? We can’t own just one pair of black pants. We have the skinny version, wide legged, Capri, flared bottoms and straight legged. Or maybe that’s just me.

Since my divorce I’ve filled every closet in the house beyond capacity (5 closets). Still, I tend to wear the same things over and over. But you know what they say: if you haven’t worn something in a year, it’s time to get rid of it.

So it appears I’m about due for some purging, which means my closets will be practically empty. Oh wait…I hear Macy’s is having a huge summer sale. Wow, talk about good timing.