Category Archives: Humor

Aging: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

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As one approaches the Big 6-0, one learns that aging has good, bad and ugly moments. For instance, you wake up one morning needing glasses. It happens just like that. Your hair changes color, and not in a good way. Bones soften, skin wrinkles. Some of us get shorter, if that’s even possible with me.

Now don’t get me wrong; I’d much rather wither with age like a dried fig than the alternative of being 6 feet under or in my case, scattered to the wind. That comes soon enough. Just remember, with the not-go-grand aspects of aging there are accompanying benefits – like people helping you lift heavy stuff into your car; not noticing dust balls in the corners of your living room because you can’t see them without glasses. And then there’s the adage, With Age Comes Wisdom. I’m still waiting for that to happen.

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Dirty Little Secrets

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Okay, some of this will be gross so maybe hold off eating that tuna sandwich until you’re finished reading. Unless, of course, you don’t mind losing your appetite because you over-indulged during the holidays and would be happy to shed a couple pounds. In that case, read on!

So I came across an article from a tech columnist for Yahoo who wrote about germs. It featured cell phones and how disgustingly filthy they are. And let me tell you, they are foul little buggers. Who knew cell phones had so many dirty little secrets?cell phone germs

Turns out there’s a bunch of stuff I learned about our phones I sort of wish I hadn’t. Be prepared to be revolted, say experts in the field of studying dirty things. Yes, there’s actually a field devoted to that. I call them Crud Finders. Boy am I grateful not to be in that profession.  Continue reading →

New Year’s Resolutions Worth Keeping

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mark twain quoteI hate New Year’s resolutions.

Why? Because they’re like diets; just about impossible to follow through with. Who do you know who has ever stayed true to their resolutions past February? Therefore, you begin the year with a bunch of lies. Right out of the gate you’re a liar. I prefer to begin the new year with truths I know to be self evident. These are mine:

1) I will not go to the gym every other day and work out with 87 other people who promised themselves the very same thing. These resolution-makers flood the gym the first month of the year, making it nearly impossible to find an open machine or unoccupied weights.crowded gym

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You’re a Stinker

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Years ago I read that during the filming of Gone with the Wind, Vivien Leigh was quoted saying Clark Gable had atrociously bad breath, making intimate scenes with him extremely unpleasant. To this day I can’t watch a Clark Gable movie without thinking about that and wondering if his female costars held their breath in his presence. His response? “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Just a guess…

Looks to me like she's holding her breath, don't you think?

Yep, definitely holding her breath

Movie stars have a certain image they portray on screen and it sometimes crosses over into real life. Many are glamorized and idolized — all those words ending with “ized.” But the truth often contradicts our impression of them, don’t you think?

Now don’t get me wrong; we all know the persona is an illusion the movie industry created. Still, nobody wants to hear the awful truth, like Bradley Cooper stinks. Yep, you read that right. He’s a…stinker

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Steady as She Goes

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Every muscle in my body is screaming. They’re not at all happy with me today. That’s because I started running again after a long lay-off from a knee injury and general laziness. Actually, running is too strong a word for what I actually do. It’s more like a slow jog. Some might even consider it meandering.

I’ve always been a slow runner. Even when I was training for a couple sprint triathlons with my bionic friends, Pam and Margo, I never became faster over the months. They assured me if I kept it up and did interval training I’d get quicker. Didn’t happen. A million years ago I was a miler on my high school track team. But I wasn’t fast then either. I think I’m programmed for endurance. Except for now, when my endurance is on hiatus.

Anyway, in school I had absolutely no talent for running and never practiced except when the team did. And even then I spent more time gabbing with friends than actually doing any running. It was more a social event for me than anything. Still, I could keep up with the pack for the first half mile but that’s where they lost me. I think my fastest time was a dismal 7.5 minute mile. Talk about embarrassing.

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